HORROR CLASSIC? THE FUNHOUSE (1981)

"Directed by Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist, Toolbox Murders), The Funhouse follows two teenage couples as they dare to stay all night in the funhouse of a creepy carnival. It isn't long before their mischief lands them in serious trouble when they witness a murder and become caught in a seemingly inescapable web of terror. 

It also isn't long before our leading lady (Elizabeth Berridge) disrobes in an opening sequence that sends up both Psycho (1960) and Halloween (1978), before she joins her boyfriend, Richie, and friends "I'm just going to make sure she's dead" and "I'll find my own hole" to go to the carnival. Their real names are hardly important; these two won't be sticking around long enough to root for, hunted down by a guy that wears a Frankenstein mask to hide his monstrous deformity.

Hooper seems happiest when lampooning horror classics and showing off his weird and wonderful carnival oddities (the freaks of nature tent is a joy), and for the viewer, the opening half hour is far more entertaining than the set-ups and pay-offs during the hardly original stalk and slash scenes. The characters lack any redeeming qualities, the villain is cartoonish (Pat Sharp's hair would've been scarier), there is a surprising lack of gore and no twin cheerleaders whatsoever - disappointing."                                                                     DW  

REVIEW: TROLL HUNTER (FRIGHTARAMA 2011)

Film: Troll Hunter
UK Release date: 9th January 2012
Year: 2010
Certificate: 15
Director: Andre Ovredal
Starring: Otto Jespersen, Glenn Erland Tosterud, Johanna Morck, Thomas Alf Larsen, Urmila Berg-Domaas
Running time: 99 mins
Genre: Horror/Comedy/Documentary
Country: Norway
Reviewer: Adam Wing

What better way to spend your Halloween weekend then to mosey on down to Leicester’s Phoenix Square for their first annual Frightarama, where they were showcasing three horror smashes back to back. First up was Jack Nicholson in The Shining, last in line was William Friedkin’s classic The Exorcist, and sandwiched somewhere in between was the 2010 Norwegian hit Troll Hunter. Six hours of horror carnage, washed down with cans of Red Bull and Peanut M&M’s. The beer was a big mistake, and had it not been for Jack Nicholson's wide-eyed theatrics I would’ve slipped into a coma midway through the first movie.

The heat was stifling too, which wasn’t helping me at all, but fortunately free sorbet was on hand to see us through. After one can of Red Bull I was back on track, munching my way through an oversized bag of Peanut M&M’s for the second feature presentation, André Øvredal’s Troll Hunter. Whilst investigating a series of suspicious bear killings, a group of students track a mysterious 'hunter' who wants nothing to do with them and attempts to shake them off his trail. “Do you think Michael Moore gave up after the first try?” asks Thomas determinedly. As the hunt gains ground, the students realise that their search is far more dangerous and mystical than hunting mere bears, leading them on a mesmerising thrill ride of awesome effects, pitch perfect performances and laugh out loud humour.

So we’re back in familiar terrain on this one - for a little while at least - as the well-worn sub-genre of  ‘found footage’ thrillers rears its head again. You know the drill by now, shaky cam horrors are a cheap and effective way of making movies, but in a world besieged by Blair Witch rip-offs, you have to be a little more creative if you’re going to make a splash. Enter André Øvredal, who not only makes the most of the beautiful Norwegian landscape, but also has the resources to back him up on the effects front - think Cloverfield with a huge dose of quirky charm. Used sparingly and effectively throughout, the special effects are nothing short of amazing. You don’t have to be an expert in Norwegian mythology to keep up, but if you’re looking for edge of the seat excitement and magnetic monster mayhem, Troll Hunter is quite the road trip from start to finish.

What really sets the film apart is a quirky sense of humour and surreal charm – who knew Norwegian’s could be this funny? The students are a likeable bunch, even if Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud) is the only member of the group to benefit from the shaky-cam styling, but that’s the way it goes when you spend most of the movie on the wrong side of the camera. His two buddies are given a lot less to do, but they both get their time in the spotlight, with one in particular benefiting from the best running gag of the movie. Our weary hunter, Hans (Otto Jespersen), is the most fleshed out of all the characters, and he’s also the most rewarding. With a dry sense of humour that emerges as the film gains ground, Jespersen engages from start to finish with a mixture of deadpan exuberance, impeccable comic timing and wily grace.

Strong performances are helped by a humorous script, with Troll Hunter stopping off to take bites at Scandinavian politics, local mythology and funniest of all, the Christian faith. Subtle humour is often the most rewarding, so when attempts are made by local authorities to cover up the existence of trolls, the scene is set for utter incompetence and comedy mileage aplenty. One word of warning though, a Hollywood remake is already in production. Forgive me for saying this, but I really don’t know how that’s going to work at all? With Troll Hunter in the bag there was time enough for me to take in one last shot of caffeine and ready myself for the nights concluding chapter, a little known frightener about a girl with rotating head syndrome. A great night out/in was had by all, and I can’t wait to see what they have in store for next year’s line-up. Thank you Phoenix Square, Leicester. Thank you Frightarama.

With lots of exposition to wade through, Troll Hunter does drag its heels from time to time, but you wont have to wait long for the next burst of brilliance. With stunning effects, lush scenery, strong performances and an inventive screenplay, André Øvredal’s second feature is one of the strongest and strangest horror movies of the year. Altogether now, “Troooolls!”.

GOOD NIGHT IN: EASY A (DVD)

"Rumours mean reputation, and reputation is what every girl wants - apparently. Olive (Emma Stone) is an average High School student who wants to be noticed. For some reason, her killer looks and piercing persona just isn't enough for this small town filled with stereotypes. Thank the lord for her family then, who deserve their own film for being so refreshingly over the top, and surely every teenager's dream blood.

Using the school's gossip grapevine to advance her social standing, Easy A is much easier to watch the longer it goes on - it's opening bordering on annoying Clueless (1995) worship before allowing us time to fall for its characters - Thomas Hayden Church and Lisa Kudrow, along with Olive's freethinking family the clear favourites - and allowing Stone to truly shine as our leading lady, who'll shag anything for a few nectar points. Nowhere near as clueless as it appeared to be, and all the better for it."                                                  DW

REVIEW: SAINT (DVD)

Film: Saint
UK Release date: 31st October 2011
Year: 2010
Certificate: 15
Director: Dick Mass
Starring: Huub Stapel, Egbert Jan Weeber, Caro Lenssen, Madelief Blanken, Bert Luppes
Running time: 95 mins
Genre: Horror/Comedy
UK Distributor: Metrodome
Country: Netherlands
Reviewer: Adam Wing

There’s a good reason why your parents told you Santa Claus doesn’t exist. In the Middle Ages, the bloodthirsty St. Nicholas murdered his way across the country, killing all the good little girls and boys and doing away with their parents in the process - it’s not like he cared much for presents either. Some villagers didn’t take too kindly to this so they set out for revenge. On December 5th 1942, Niklas and his gang of looters were given a frosty reception, and there wasn’t a single snowman in sight. You can expect more jokes like that later. They hunted down Sint Niklas and burned him to death on his ship. This year, and every December 5th that coincides with a full moon, the bishop will rise from the dead to slaughter as many children as possible. He’ll probably take the mince pie you leave out for him too; he’s evil like that.

The last time the ghostly gang returned was in 1968. Hundreds of people were killed, including Goert’s entire family. Goert (Burt Luppes) has long since grown up and is now a police officer. The authorities downplay the incidents, keeping the possible involvement of Niklas a secret. Goert is ignored when he warns of impending doom and sent on leave, giving Niklas the time he needs to pack his sleigh with assorted weaponry and check his list a time or two. With Saint (a.k.a. Sint), Dick Maas returns to his horror roots, taking the gift of horror, wrapping it up in comedy and tying it off with a big red bloody bow. Attempting to do for Father Christmas what Dead Snow did for Nazi zombies, Saint arrives on DVD this month, proving once and for all that when it comes to horror, there’s no such thing as a silent night.

Psychotic Santa’s have been around for a while, but considering the comedy mileage, you’d be forgiven for wondering why it doesn’t happen more often. Championship wrestler Bill Goldberg starred in 2005’s festive frenzy Santa’s Slay, but the less said about that the better, and then there was Silent Night, Deadly Night and it’s lacklustre sequel. You can even find murderous snowmen if you look hard enough, but I wouldn’t recommend letting Michael Cooney’s Jack Frost anywhere near your DVD player, let alone your toes. 2010 marked a significant improvement with the release of Finnish hit Rare Exports - which makes it UK bow next month - but first up is Dick Maas’ Saint, an inexplicably daft yet bloodthirsty offering from Holland.

Taking familiar genre staples like dumb arrogant teens, urban legends and babysitting, Maas is at his most accomplished when he’s dashing through the snow of horror convention. A thrilling rooftop chase sequence shows off some inventive special effects, with Sint (Huub Stapel) filling the villainous void left behind by camp killers like Freddy and Jason. Amsterdam lends itself to some striking imagery and there’s plenty of gore to quench your thirst for festive frights. It’s a lean, mean, killing machine that camper and dafter than a thousand Nightmare sequels, but earns its place under the tree thanks to a killer concept that’s both joyful and triumphant. Leading man Frank (Egbert Jan Weeber) is a bit of a plank, but Weeber blesses him with enough charm to see him through. He certainly makes a change from your token big-breasted scream queen, even if I’m not convinced that’s such a good thing.

Goert lays down the guidelines early on by saying, “Getting presents can be fun, but you always end up getting crap you don’t really need”. The same can be said for Saint. There’s a little too much exposition at times, the girls barely get a look in and the ending feels rushed in comparison to the rest of the movie. It’s not as comical as it ought to be and a meatier conclusion would’ve been nice, but Maas goes all Dudley Moore on us, patching things up in a frustrating manner. It’s rare in this day and age that you’re left wanting more, but Saint is left open for a sequel. So you better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I’m telling you why… I think you know the rest.

With a killer concept, plenty of gore and top-notch action, it’s not just the shepherds that quake at the sight of Dick Maas’ Saint. There is a nagging feeling that it should’ve been better, but if it’s big, dumb fun you’re after this festive season, you know what to ask Santa for. You might want to check that he doesn’t speak in English subtitles first though.

VERDICT: THE WALKING DEAD SEASON TWO EPISODE ONE: WHAT LIES AHEAD

"They saved themselves for this? Rejoining the others in living hell, it's little wonder Andrea is a bit grumpy. Dale still isn't having a bar of it though, so he's lucky there's a walker stalking the RV otherwise the screwdriver Andrea is holding for self-defence could've been thrust into his eye socket instead. Despite the fact he saved her life yet again, the screaming banshee will only be happy when she's allowed to blow her brains out. Welcome back, The Walking Dead...

Season two sure kicks off in fine style - a tense opening set-piece when the remaining survivors are forced to stop on the motorway in order to move abandoned vehicles halting their progress. Naturally, the RV breaks down, and Dale is too busy trying to fix it to notice a herd of walkers heading their way. Forced to hide under cars, the scene is wonderfully executed, but from here on in some acts of stupidity stifle the episode. First off, T-Dog is clumsier than a battle droid when he rips his arm open. The problem isn't the burying-yourself-under-the-dead to hide the stench of fresh blood, but how quickly his quite nasty wound is treated and forgot about. 

Then there's the stupid kids. Sophia doesn't do what she's told when ordered to stay put so Grimes can take out a couple of stray zombies chasing her, which means the rest of the episode is spent looking for her. Only after a good night's sleep though - a sensible decision barely contested by her mother, let alone anyone else. With a bit of luck she's toast. Meanwhile, encouraged by his father, frustrated Carl decides now would be a good time to make friends with a deer - the only food, other than human flesh, around for miles - you  still won't guess what happens next but mummy will surely be pleased. Having said that, she seems more concerned with trying to become best buddies with the guy that almost raped her.

Snipes aside, Daryl is quickly becoming the most likeable character, and most fearsome, seeing as he's handy with a crossbow and loves to get his hands dirty. In What Lies Ahead he dissects a zombie in order to find out whether its last meal was Sophia. Along with the opening horde of living dead (where were they going?) and an entertaining bloodbath at Church, it seems we're in for  many more bloody thrills despite the budget being chopped. With conflict aplenty, look-away gore and some decent chills, The Walking Dead is still compulsive viewing, and special praise awarded to FX for including just the one commercial break."                                  DW

ONE TO WATCH: GANTZ (DVD/BLU-RAY)

"Big Black Balls. I thought that might get your attention. Gantz is the first part of two films based on a hit manga series created by Hiroya Oku. Directed by Shinsuke Sato, Gantz stars leading Japanese actors Kazunari Ninomiya (Letters from Iwo Jima) and Kenichi Matsuyama (Death Note, Detroit Metal City), not to mention ‘fine’ support from Natsuna Watanabe. After an accident on a train platform, recently deceased childhood friends Kei and Kato find themselves transported to an empty apartment populated by several confused strangers and a mysterious black ball known as Gantz.

The big black ball issues them a set of strange suits - which look so much better on some cast members than others - instructing them that they must exterminate "dangerous aliens" from Earth in a series of bloodthirsty games. They are given high-tech weaponry, and the opportunity to collect points depending on how many aliens they kill. Once they reach 100 they will be given the chance to either leave the game, or resurrect one of their fallen comrades. Both films proved incredibly successful back home, and we can expect a release of Gantz: Perfect Answer on these shores in the near future.

Gantz is a well-crafted sci-fi action adventure, with great special effects, ingenious plotting and strong lead performances. Kazunari Ninomiya impresses most as Kurono, a reluctant contestant who lurches from gutless to hero in no time at all. His arrogance builds as the bodies pile up and his character is all the more enticing for it. After a mesmerising introduction Kishimoto is pushed to the sidelines, which is a shame because she sure looks great in leather, so here’s hoping she makes an extended appearance in the second movie. Gantz should please fans of the manga, paving the way for a second instalment that has plenty of questions to answer. Like for example, how the hell did Natsuna get in that outfit?

Gorier than you might expect, and overloaded with stylish visuals and electrifying action, Gantz is a frantic sci-fi adventure movie with big black balls – and you don’t get to say that very often."                  AW

REVIEW: WOUND (DVD)

Film: Wound
UK Release date: 24th October 2011
Year: 2010
Certificate: 18
Director: David Blyth
Starring: Kate O'Rourke, Te Kaea Beri, Campbell Cooley, Sandy Lowe, Brendan Gregory
Running time: 77 mins
Genre: Horror
Country: New Zealand
Reviewer: Adam Wing

With a CV that includes Red-Blooded American Girl and Death Warmed Up, not to mention TV work like White Fang and Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, it’s fair to say that director David Blyth’s career has been anything but ordinary. That statement isn’t going to change anytime soon if his latest psychosexual horror movie is anything to go by. With a taste for the kind of absurd imagery Takashi Miike would be proud of - a birthing scene in particular echoes one of his most celebrated images - David Blyth is about to take you on one hell of a joyride.

Maybe we should start by getting our heads around the plot. Susan (Kate O’Rourke) has a history of horrific abuse, which refuses to loosen its grip on her. Tanya (Te Kaea Beri) is a lost girl searching for the mother she never knew, confused and consumed by the lack of direction in her ‘life’. As the two seek reconciliation with their pasts, their paths become intertwined resulting in a surreal nightmare they may never wake up from. Not until there’s blood on the dance floor at the very least, and believe me when I say it, that day will come much sooner than you think. If it’s dreamlike flourishes and hypnotic visuals you’re after, look no further, Wound is opening up on UK shores this month courtesy of Cine Du Monde.

The official outline for the movie is a little vague perhaps, because what you’re really getting is a movie that revels in fear, abuse, retribution and above all else, complete and utter madness. Much of what transpires takes place in Susan’s fragile mind, giving Blyth the opportunity to explore a nightmarish world made up of two-headed dolls, brutalising bondage and freakishly sinister pig-men. It’s a cinematic oddity in every sense of the word, one that Blyth justifies by saying “I like to think that my movie is about the horror of everyday I see around me, an increasingly uncaring society…” Obviously he’s talking about the presence of sexual abuse in New Zealand and not the freakishly sinister pig-man that graces his picture.

Perplexing yet captivating, an outrageous introduction - wince inducing for the male population - sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Themes of degradation, incest, life and death are thrown into a blender and sprayed all over the TV screen, resulting in a picture that’s hard to follow but brings with it a hypnotic quality that’s difficult to shake off. It’s not always easy to tell where the lines of reality and fiction cross, and Blyth isn’t about to make it easy on the viewer at home, with Wound continuing to shake the senses at all times. Some of the scenes are excruciating to watch, disturbingly compelling yet enthralling and gross at the same time. Blyth does have a knack for deranged imagery, and if that’s your bag, Wound will flow like a river to the sea. It’s worth remembering that Death Warmed Up was New Zealand’s first splatter horror film, coming a full three years before Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste.

I can’t honestly say I enjoyed the film - not in the traditional sense of the word - but then, I’m not entirely convinced Blyth set out to make a film for me to savour. His return to filmmaking was intended to shock, and from that perspective he succeeds unequivocally. Wound wont be to everybody’s taste, Blyth has been taking the same uncompromising approach to filmmaking since his 1978 breakthrough Angel Mine, a film that still causes anger to this day. It’s a low budget affair with quality lead turns, Te Kaea Beri impresses in her movie debut and Kate O’Rourke takes the art of immersion to a whole new level. With themes like incest and bloody retribution washed down with graphic violence and surreal imagery, Wound remains a tough sell no matter how you bandage it. Blyth makes up for the lack of linear plotting with vibrant cinematography, gore by the bucket load and twisted visual panache. It doesn’t always make a whole lot of sense, but it will keep you captivated until the very end, if only to see what Blyth can throw at the screen next.

Dark, disturbing and not for the faint hearted, Blyth continues to anger the censors with his latest assault on the senses. It’s a tough watch and a tough sell for all concerned, but even if Blyth achieves nothing else with his latest mind f**k, he will at least have held your attention for the entire duration. Wounds may heal in time, but with Blyth back behind the camera, you sure wont forget them in a hurry.

HORROR CLASSIC: LEFT BANK (DVD)

"Aspiring athlete Marie (the gorgeous Eline Kuppens) meets the enigmatic Bobby (a likeable but disturbing turn from Matthias Schoenaerts) apparently by chance and the two begin a sexually-charged romance, prompting her to move in with him at a run-down housing estate in the Left Bank district of Antwerp. It comes as no surprise when soon all is not well, as Marie discovers that the previous tenant disappeared in mysterious circumstances and that something sinister has been hidden in the cellar. Curious, but unable to trust anyone, she follows a thread of increasingly ominous clues into a nightmare of unimaginable horror.

Director Pieter Van Hees has crafted a haunting, erotic and truly memorable film, modern in tone, but surely to become a timeless classic. He teases us with a slow-burner of a script, suggesting the horrors to come without giving anything away of the actual content until its shocking conclusion. By being grounded in the real world, with mysteriously spooky glimpses of another world unlike our own, he is able to create so much empathy with our lead, thus when the final act delivers its absorbing climax you can't help but pray for her safety. 

Both Kuppens and Schoenaerts are superb; their passionate relationship as absorbing as any witnessed on screen. It may be slow in tempo, but without such sedation, the final impact simply wouldn't work. Van Hees isn't afraid to show a bit of flesh either, the arthouse approach adding to its brutal realism. With each passing second, Marie fails to piece together the ominous clues,  her surroundings become increasingly unsettling, while the auteur showcases some truly memorable body horror to keep our eyes glued to the screen. And then there's that bone-shuddering conclusion..."                 DW

REVIEW: OMEN (DVD)

In 2003, D2B was a successful Thai boy band, with its members, Dan, Big and Beam, keen to augment their brand by teaming up with the Pang Brothers (The Eye, Re-cycle) to star in their first feature, Omen, directed by Thammarak Kamuttmanoch. Sadly on 22nd July that year, Big (Apichej Kittikornjaroen) was involved in a car accident and his vehicle flipped into a dirty roadside canal, leading to a bacterial infection in his brain. After being in a coma for four years, he died on 9th December 2007. Spookily, Omen's plot revolves around an old woman who makes grim predictions about their futures, with one of them destined to die...

Beam, Dan and Big, who work in a magazine art department, end this particular day quarrelling, each leaving work on bad terms, driving home, when separate twists of fate bring them into contact with three strangers.

Dan is haunted by an old woman who tells prophecies, Big intrigued by a young girl selling garlands on the street, and Beam meets a girl called Oam, who is just about to open up a coffee shop.

They soon realise that there’s a connection between the three females, but more worryingly, it also becomes apparent that one of the friends is destined to die – but whom, and why?

(To read the full review click on either image)

REVIEW: STAKE LAND (DVD)

Film: Stake Land
UK Release date: Out now
Year: 2011
Certificate: 15
Director: Jim Mickle
Starring: Connor Paolo, Nick Damici, Kelly McGillis, Michael Cerveris, Chance Kelly
Running time: 94 mins
Genre: Horror
Country: USA
Reviewer: Adam Wing

Hailed by some critics as "the American horror film of the year", the highly acclaimed Stake Land has a lot to live up to. Or does it? It’s not exactly been a stunning year for American horror movies, and the prospect of yet another vampire yarn doesn’t exactly set the heart racing. Comparisons to Zombieland are inevitable; it is after all a road movie that finds two strangers joining forces in the fight for survival. Not forgetting of course that both films end in the word ‘land’, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end with this sombre, moody and utterly compelling genre entry. Zombieland was a laugh-fuelled riot from start to finish, whereas Stake Land takes us on a far bleaker journey, think The Walking Dead with vampires and you’ll be a lot nearer the mark.

Bleak is one way of describing the events that take place in Stake Land - another one might be cataclysmic. When an epidemic of vampirism strikes, humans find themselves on the run from not only the undead, but from the rest of mankind as well. Cities are tombs and survivors are few and far between, forever on their guard, fearful of what might lurk beyond nightfall. When his family is slaughtered, young Martin (Connor Paolo) is taken under the wing of a no nonsense hunter who preys on the undead. Known only as Mister (Nick Damici), he teachers Martin his battle techniques and takes him on a journey through the desolate towns of America's heartland. There they face off against not only vampires, but also the fanatical savagery of a right wing religious cult known as The Brotherhood, in search a safe haven called New Eden. With enemies both dead and alive in every neighbourhood, Stake Land drives a wooden point through the heart of American cinema.

Mickle is right to keep his story personal and contained. Big budget movies like I Am Legend feel empty by comparison because they often mistake bigger for better, and even though Stake Land hints at a much bigger picture, he never forgets that its emotion that drives a story, not CGI effects. Performances are solemn yet solid. Nick Damici could play the world-weary traveller in his sleep, and his performance is underplayed at every turn, but he’s also the reluctant father figure that keeps the rest of the family alive. Connor Paolo – another actor I’m barely familiar with – impresses as the heart and soul of the picture. His journey through the wilderness is what keeps the film anchored in emotion, especially when they come across a young pregnant girl called Belle (Danielle Harris) and a Sister (an unrecognisable Kelly McGillis) on the run from two demons of her own. Their desperate plight and the bond that forms between them is what keep the tension high at all times.

The vampires that flood Stake Land - of which there are many - feel fresh and invigorating. They don’t disintegrate when you stab them, they don’t burst into flames unless you set them on fire, and hidden beneath the various shades of darkness is a welcome break from convention. They act very much like the zombies from 28 Days Later but with added bite, because at various stages of the movie it is suggested that they are becoming smarter. The scariest entities however, rather predictably, are the human survivors that have turned on their own. Michael Cerveris is way ahead of the chasing pack on this one, bringing genuine menace to the role of Jebedia Loven. Not only does Mickle handle the horror elements well, he also knows how to deliver an effective set piece, and there are plenty of standout moments to choose from. With both the vampires and The Brotherhood breathing down their necks, fear, pain and suffering is never far behind. Yet through it all, and thanks largely to a handy voice-over that punctuates the action, there is an ever present feeling of hope and positivity.

Having tested the water with rampaging zombie flick Mulberry Street, Mickle and Damici turn their attention to post-apocalyptic vampirism. It’s rare that you’ll find me clambering for a sequel, but it’s a bleak world we’re living in and Stake Land is one of the smartest horror movies to emerge in years. Not a lot of fun then, but more to the point, one that comes with emotion, intelligence, action and heart.

REVIEW: THE WOMAN (DVD)

Film: The Woman
UK Release date: Out Now
Year: 2011
Certificate: 18
Director: Lucky Mckee
Starring: Carlee Baker, Pollyanna Mcintosh, Sean Bridgers, Angela Bettis, Lauren Ashley Carter
Running time: 104 mins
Genre: Drama/Horror/Thriller
Country: USA
Reviewer: Adam Wing

You can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. You can however - if writer-director Lucky McKee is to be believed - kidnap them, chain them up in your cellar and domesticate them. When kooky lawyer and proud family man Chris Cleek (Sean Bridgers - True Blood) stumbles across a wild, feral woman (Pollyanna McIntosh - Exam) bathing in a woodland stream near his isolated country home, he makes a decision that will dramatically change both their lives. Quality time is given a whole new meaning when Chris takes home the ‘next family project’.

After capturing her, Chris chains The Woman up in a fruit cellar below his house, intending to tame and civilize her. Helping him in his civic duty are two daughters, a peculiar son and his put upon wife. Things don’t go according to plan; it is a horror movie after all, especially when you add a ferocious female force of nature to the mix. From author Jack Ketchum (The Girl Next Door, The Lost) and director Lucky McKee (May), The Woman is a deeply disturbing thriller only too happy to wallow in new depths of darkness and depravity.

Joining them for the ride are long-term collaborator Angela Bettis (May) - who has played a part in all of McKee’s output - Lauren Ashley Carter and Zach Rand. Bettis plays Chris’ long suffering wife Belle, a woman that knows and accepts her place in the home. As do the entire clan, Chris holds a tight reign over each of them, which is probably why they’re not at all surprised when he brings home a new toy to play with. Sean Bridgers is suitably offbeat as the man of the house, instantly recognisable as a bit of a nut job. Peggy (Carter) is the older of the two daughters, she used to be a breezy fun-loving girl, but a recent turn of events has left her cold and withdrawn. Being the youngest and most innocent of the two daughters, Darlin’ (Shyla Molhusen) is totally devoted to her loving parents, and son Brian (Rand) is following in his father’s footsteps in every way. They’re a captivating family unit that’s for sure – probably not the kind of neighbours you would want over for dinner though.

Some might call it misogynistic, not just with regards to The Woman of the title, but also at the expense of the other female cast members. Having said that, a gripping turn of events in the final act suggests otherwise, completing a picture that is no less complicated than the characters involved. It’s certainly unsettling, as well as terrifying, horrific and brutal, but McKee doesn’t dwell on the violence. His approach is less invasive, despite the savage nature of the premise. A lack of conflict within the family circle prevents the movie from digging deeper; because you would expect all kinds of moral dilemmas to arise from a situation like this. But McKee neglects this chain of thought, and even though an inner battle between right and wrong could’ve proved fruitful, The Woman leaves morality behind in favour of shocks and formality.

The final act is superbly crafted, but in going for the easy kill, The Woman’s bite loses some of its venom. Had he dared to dig a little deeper, McKee’s admirable oddity could’ve made a more lasting impression. There is a wonderful twist in the tale, and the ending is incredibly satisfying from a certain point of view, but The Woman loses points for being too conventional. The world is awash with messed up movies, soul-destroying entities that set out to shock, so much so you kind of expect it these days. The Woman is unconventional in a conventional way, favouring a final twist that has become synonymous with horror movies in general. Good job it’s a great one then, feeding off a truculent turn from Pollyanna McIntosh, and The Woman ends on a downbeat high note.

In failing to add depth to an impressive cast of characters, McKee has perhaps missed a trick or two, but the story he weaves is a solid one. With little to no humanity between them, it’s fair to assume that things wont end well for most of the characters. So you’ll be pleased to learn that they don’t, and if it’s brutality and bloodshed for all the family you’re after, you’ve come to the right place. The Woman isn’t always an easy watch, but it’s a captivating one none the less, and the final scenes are almost breathtaking.

REVIEW: DEATH BELL (DVD)

Film: Death Bell
UK Release date: 10th October 2011
UK Distributor: Terror-Cotta
Year: 2008
Certificate:18
Director: Yoon Hong-Seung
Starring: Kim Bum, Lee Beom-soo, Nam Gvu-ri, Yoon Jeong-hee
Running time: 88 mins
Genre: Horror
Country: South Korea
Reviewer: Adam Wing

Stop me if you’ve heard this one, what do you get if you cross Whispering Corridors with the Saw franchise and Battle Royale? The debut feature of music video director Yoon Hong-Seung (aka Chang), that’s what. Ok so I admit, the punchline needs some work, but there’s a reason why Chang has been compared to Michel Gondry and Spike Jonze. Death Bell has already been blessed with a sequel back home, so there’s never been a better time to catch up with this 2008 South Korean hit. Starring Lee Beom-soo in his first horror movie role, and K-pop singer Nam Gyu-ri in her acting debut, Death Bell takes a familiar Asian ghost story concept and smothers it in blood, chaos and cruelty.

Set in a Korean high school, the films native title refers to gosa, the important midterm exams that all students are required to sit. Though it has to be said, this year they come with a twist even Simon Cowell would be proud of. The students at an elite high school are held captive and forced into a series of sadistic games. Picked off one by one and held in impenetrable traps, they must rely on the amazing intellect of their classmates in order to survive the ordeal, because every time a question is answered incorrectly, a classmate meets their torturous, grizzly death. So far so Saw then. When it emerges that the students are being picked off according to a pattern, they set out to solve the puzzles and unmask their killer, before the Death Bell rings for them. Death Bell has become one of Korea's highest-grossing horror films ever made, and is available on our shores for the first time courtesy of Terror-Cotta.

Things start promisingly enough, and after a memorable dreamlike opening; Chang’s thriller introduces a group of likeable characters and one hell of a killer concept. Asian ghost stories tend to shy away from blood and gore, but with Death Bell Chang takes a different approach, which is another reason why it compares favourably to the Saw franchise, especially when you take into account the elaborate and faintly ridiculous traps being set. Make no mistake about it; Death Bell embraces the darker shade of red as Chang sets out to depict vivid brutality with sophisticated and stylish visuals. I’m not convinced he always succeeds, but he could never be accused of holding back. His direction is snappy and to the point, and there’s little chance of boredom setting in, but commercial excess comes at a price. The quick-fire editing is a little too distracting at times, and it’s not always easy to keep up. Chang’s debut loses focus towards the end anyway - that can be blamed on a series of unconvincing plot developments - so his occasional flourishes don’t always help.

After a tantalising opening, Death Bell loses its way, bogged down by convoluted plot turns, incoherence and implausibility. The frantic pace is on hand to disguise some wild indiscretions, and Death Bell remains enjoyable horror hokum all the same, but what starts out really promisingly amounts to little more than ‘lank haired ghost story with aspirations of a gory nature’. Considering the fact that Chang has delivered a very simple tale of vengeance, Death Bell succeeds in confusing its audience, possibly because it doesn’t really know what kind of horror movie it wants to be. The opening act hints at Battle Royale style humour and cynicism, but without the substance. Act two lurches into torture porn territory and while successful, only serves to highlight the ridiculous nature of films like Saw 2-7. It’s a lot of fun, as long as you don’t think about the mechanics of it all, but Chang fails to add anything new to a faltering sub-genre. The third act returns to more familiar territory for Asian film enthusiasts, and as a result, only serves to frustrate with an unconvincing denouement.

With so much going on, it’s hard not to love the film a little. It’s far from perfect filmmaking but there’s lots to recommend. With strong performances, a series of brutalising death traps, stylish direction and a rousing zombie dream sequence, Death Bell sure has its moments, but taken in its entirety, Chang’s debut feature doesn’t always ring true.

ONE TO WATCH: SUPER (DVD)

“Sometimes the best way to forget someone you care about is to fill the void with someone you don’t quite so much.” When you lose your drug addict wife (Liv Tyler) to a charismatic drug dealer (Kevin Bacon), there really is only one course of action. “All it takes to become a superhero is the choice to fight evil,” so when average Joe Frank (Rainn Wilson) decides to target crime, no matter how minor the offence, hilarity is bound to ensue. Crimson Bolt has arrived, ready to restore order in the only way he knows how, usually with a rusty pipe wrench and a dry line in catchphrases. “Shut up crime!” James Gunn (Slither) walks the same path as the team behind Kick-Ass, but he does it at night, in a darker, more sinister part of town.

Frank is touched by the finger of God and decides to take the law into his own hands, becoming his own crime fighting superhero. Powers or not however, every superhero needs a sidekick. Enter Libby (Ellen Page), cute, sexy and just a little bit psychopathic, working at the local comic book store. Under the guise of  'Boltie', Libby teams up with Frank to take Jacques down in a quest to win back his wife. Kevin Bacon is back to his best, Ellen page is off her rocker, away with the fairies and on another page entirely, and Rainn Wilson remains one of the freshest, funniest faces on TV. Even Nathan Fillion makes an appearance - as a crime-fighting hero of God - resulting in one of the quirkiest, darkest comedies of the year.

It’s easy to see why Super didn’t prove the commercial hit like Kick-Ass; Matthew Vaughn’s comic book oddity may have been blessed with Hit Girl’s high-octane profanity, but it still feels relatively safe when compared to James Gunn’s ultra-violent offering. The tone is off balance - a little too dark for mainstream and not quite funny enough to distract from the fact - but with blistering performances and an offbeat charm, Super impresses even when it shouldn’t. Like its protagonist, Super is demented, deluded and very entertaining. Too dark for some and five years too late, but with Ellen Page flying away with the movie, Super might just be what happens inbetween the panels of a comic book."                                                        AW

ONE TO WATCH: THOR (DVD)

"Sarah Anderson would not be amused. Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is back to his arrogant best, banished to Earth from his homeworld of Asgard, fighting to reclaim his lost powers, not working as a mechanic, and a plastic helmet isn't going to cheer him up, either. The God of Thunder must ride out the storm and learn what it takes to become a true hero. It's not a bad way to get the ladies, after all...

And what a lady. Portman adds a new dimension here, helped by a strong support cast that turn this camp oddity into one of the most entertaining comic book adaptations in a long old time. The action is spectacular, the visuals are gorgeous, the script is tight, and there's plenty of humour. Sadly, Loki (Tom Hiddleston), Thor's sibling, is a bit of a damp squib, as is Branagh's "incredible war machine" The Destroyer, who does anything but, although the Frost Giants are wonderfully sinister and pack the most menace.

The whole package is a welcome surprise. I thought Branagh was an odd choice and probably wasn't the only one, but it's nice to be rooting for someone who doesn't exactly suffer from a confidence problem (Thor not Branagh), even if his journey sees him soften up a touch - probably not enough to let Anderson off that five dollars, though. Faithful to the comics (despite underdeveloped sidekicks), Thor is a welcome addition to Marvel's catalogue - it almost reignites my fire for the forthcoming Avengers epic - the perfect excuse to avoid a night on the town."                                                    DW

  

REVIEW: THE THAW (DVD)

One of the reasons John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) performed so poorly at the box office was because audiences disapproved of its bleak ending. Fortunately, Mark A. Lewis was clearly one of those who disagreed with such a ridiculous notion because many years later his movie, The Thaw, would follow a similar path, only this time the shape-shifting alien is replaced by prehistoric parasites, global warming and Val Kilmer. You have been warned...

A research expedition, lead by Dr. David Kruipen (Val Kilmer), discovers the carcass of a woolly mammoth in a melting polar ice cap that has released a deadly prehistoric parasite.

Four bright ecology students are to join them in the mission at a remote Arctic station, but it isn’t long before the group uncovers the truth – the parasite is searching for a new warm-blooded host.

As the reality dawns on them, some become infected, and those that remain alive are forced to choose between a quarantine that will result in their deaths or create a global epidemic…

(Click on either image to read the full review)

ONE TO WATCH: TUCKER & DALE Vs EVIL (DVD)

"Twenty years on from the day of the Memorial Day Massacre a group of college kids venture out into the woods for a camping vacation, only for one of them to get kidnapped by a pair of murderous hillbillies intent on killing everything in their path. So far so unoriginal. Only, this time, the hillbillies in question are Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine), two best friends taking a break at their dilapidated mountain house.

When their peace is disturbed by the arrival of the obnoxious teenagers, and one of the kids, Allie (Katrina Bowden), almost drowns, they try to lend a hand and are instantly mistaken for vile mass murderers. Obviously, they try to put things right, but the misunderstanding grows along with the body count in the most original horror comedy of the year.

Seriously gory, seriously funny - Tucker and Dale Vs Evil gets you right from its ingenious opening and never lets up. Labine is the star here, but his friendship with Tudyk is so engaging it's like watching Dumb and Dumber (1994) for the very first time. Only with some serious blood shed and flavoursome eye candy in Allie. Bowden is almost as likeable as her new best friends, and although frustrating to begin with, a neat twist allows villain Chad (Jesse Moss) to really ham it up. 

Inventive, even after all the horror cliches are deliciously butchered, while single-handedly destroying the sub-genre it parodies (you'll never be able to watch Wrong Turn again, which is a blessing), the ending is a slight let down, in that it isn't quite as believable as a couple of hillbillies murdering a group of college kids by accident should be. Still, that Dale seems like a nice fella, and this short and so very sweet offering from director Eli Craig certainly demands some kind of sequel. Bill and Ted got away with it."                            DW

REVIEW: BUNRAKU (DVD)

Film: Bunraku
UK Release date: 10th October 2011
Year: 2010
Certificate: 18
Director: Guy Moshe
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson Ron Perlman, Mike Patton
Running time: 118 mins
Genre: Martial arts/Western/Action
Reviewer: Adam Wing

Remember when you were at school, no matter how clued up you thought you were, there was always a group of kids that little bit cooler than you. Most of us, let’s be honest here, were probably clueless when it came to being ‘in fashion’, and we always looked up to that gang of kids that ruled the common room, talked to girls, and had a social life that didn’t involve fat little plumbers and spiky blue hedgehogs. If Sin City and Kill Bill are the cool kids in the classroom, that would surely make Bunraku you and I. With a colour scheme that makes Gok Wan’s wardrobe look positively dull, Guy Moshe’s samurai-western-videogame-film noir aims for Sin City cool, but comes across like Cool World’s baby brother let loose with a pack of crayons.

In a world without guns, a mysterious drifter (Josh Hartnett) arrives in a strange town terrorised by the ruthless Woodcutter (Ron Perlman on cruise control) and his army of thugs, headed by the vicious Killer #2 (Kevin McKidd in mildly annoying mode). The drifter is forced to trust a young samurai (Japanese superstar Gackt) looking to restore his family's honour, and the local bartender (Woody Harrelson phoning it in from the hotel bar) with his own secret score to settle, as they team up to destroy the Woodcutter's corrupt regime. Using cutting-edge visuals that give you a good idea of what the inside of Roger Rabbit’s head looks like, and breathtaking fight choreography you’ve seen a thousand times before, Bunraku, also starring Demi Moore (didn’t even pick up the phone), is an original take on the action and martial arts genre. Unless of course you’ve seen Sin City and Kill Bill, then I guess it’s a film that resembles Sin City and Kill Bill but achieves none of their icy cool.

For those of you who don’t know (I had to look it up), Bunraku is a form of traditional Japanese puppet theatre, which goes someway to explaining the overall look of the film. Blending comic book styling with samurai/western themes, Guy Moshe has created a world that succeeds in throwing you an inebriated welcome party. If there’s one thing he deserves credit for, it’s that from a visual perspective at least, Bunraku does make your eyes go pop. There’s so much invention in every frame, a Looney Tunes world that often resembles the contents of a Smarties tube. In fact, those of a cynical nature might suggest that the creative cartoon visuals are merely a smokescreen to distract from the listless direction. Not me of course, I would never be so bold. Besides, it’s fairly obvious that they’re also there to distract from the quality of acting.

Woody Harrelson plays a character called The Bartender (do you see what they did there?), the kind of role he can play in his sleep, and sometimes you’ll wonder if that’s just what he’s doing. As for Josh Hartnett, well, I’ve heard of character actors taking their jobs to extremes, but playing the part of The Drifter in the style of a Japanese theatre puppet is a little too much. Hartnett seems woefully miscast here, delivering his lines with as much cool as Jason Biggs wearing a pair of parachute pants and sporting a bandana - whilst breakdancing and drinking a can of Pepsi Twist - in a thong. Ron Perlman makes for an imposing presence, but with this and Season of the Witch under his belt, you get the impression that he’s waiting for the Sons of Anarchy to ride back into town. Demi Moore doesn’t have a lot to do, which is probably a good thing, but fans of Indecent Proposal will be overjoyed to see Woody and Demi back together again. Though I doubt very much that fans of romantic drama starring Robert Redford will be tuning in for this stale cartoon beat’ em up. 

The Asian cast members are more enticing, but their delivery of the English dialogue can be a little wayward at times, much better are the scenes in which subtitles flash up like cartoon picture captions. Gackt (Moon Child) is mostly asked to play it cool, and he certainly does a better job than Josh Hartnett, I couldn’t tell if he was playing it straight or taking the piss. One thing’s for sure; his comedy moustache suggested the latter. Shun Sugata (Ichi the Killer) makes the most of his limited screen time but Emily Kaiho struggles with both the English dialogue and true conviction. Thankfully, this being a martial arts movie and all, they do look more comfortable when it comes to action choreography, and Bunraku delivers some spectacular action sequences along the way. 

With distracting visuals, tight action choreography and a familiar blend of western/samurai mythology, Bunraku entertains on the most primitive of levels. The screenplay, performances and mishmash plotting take the edge off a fun night in, as does the generous running time, which tries too hard to please too many people. Guy Moshe should be applauded for creating a visually stunning landscape, but he glosses over the features that make a great movie shine – and the less said about the comedy sound effects the better.