I’m often surprised by the quality of entertainment that
falls through my letterbox, but nothing quite prepared me for the day Akira
Hirose’s Chanbara Striptease arrived in my mail. From the creators of Chanbara
Beauty comes ‘blades, babes and boobs’, which unless I’m very much mistaken
is also the official tagline for the movie.
Lili is celebrating her 20th birthday and during the
ceremony she is mysteriously transported back in time to a small village in
18th Century Japan. The village is suffering at the hands of an evil geisha and
her wicked army of bandits. Lili decides to protect the villagers and the
honour of her family by using her skills with a katana and her magical hypnotic
breasts. What’s that you say? Maybe we should start again.
The film follows a young woman called Lili, who on her 20th birthday is
informed by her grandmother that she will inherit her family’s mystical martial
arts technique. During the ceremony she is unexpectedly sent back in time to
18th Century Japan, where she stumbles upon a small village being menaced by an
evil geisha and her wicked army of bandits.
One of the locals (Yoichi Matsuda) takes an immediate shine to her, and
not just because she gets her breasts out at regular intervals. Apparently she
has a nice personality to boot. Lili takes it upon herself to protect the
villagers, armed with her sword and the profound knowledge that showing her
breasts from time to time will make the world a better place. Let’s be honest
here, any guy in the world could have told her that.
There’s a good chance I’ll struggle to write a substantial review here,
but then, if you’re looking for substance you’ve rented the wrong movie. Unless
of course that substance is flesh. So back to the tagline we go, and the
promise of blades, babes and boobs. I’m happy to confirm that there’s plenty of
flesh for your pound, courtesy of Sasa Handa, Ryo Akanishi, Lulu Anoa and Mina
Asa. Barely a scene goes by without leading lady Lili whipping them out, and
she gets some fine support from the head villain of the piece as well.
As for blades, well there’s plenty of action too. It’s not particularly
well staged but the actors acquit themselves well enough for a film of this
quality. Chanbara Striptease has nothing else going for it, following a
familiar pattern from the outset. Exposition, breasts and blades, that's pretty
much it. The film clocks in at less than 70 minutes, which means – somewhat
fortunately – it never gets tedious. The acting is one-note of course but the
characters offer light relief.
Talking of which, in case you were wondering, there are two sex scenes
in the movie as well. Pretty much all bases are covered on this one, in a PG 13
kind of way. The innocent nature means that it never quite feels sleazy enough;
Chanbara Striptease is relatively tame compared to recent Japanese fare.
Perhaps it’s the lack of blood, or maybe it’s the lack of invention, but
Chanbara Striptease fails to capitalize on a curvaceous concept. If you’re
going to call a film Chanbara Striptease, you might as well drown it in sex,
nudity and violence. Your target audience expects it. Having said that, perhaps
that’s why they call it teasing.
Akira Hirose has crafted a harmless romp of a movie, which intrigues but
never truly satisfies. Young boys might consider it the best film ever made,
grown ups will probably compare it to a night with a Block-o-two. A good idea
from a distance but up close Chanbara Striptease isn’t all that. AW
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