REVIEW: BITCH SLAP (DVD)

How do you approach a film like Bitch Slap? Some movies try to hide the fact they are all about sex and violence, but when you are talking about a film called Bitch Slap, where can you go but there? If the title isn’t enough of a give away, check out the publicity campaign and trailers. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what the ‘B’ stands for, and even a five-year-old can work out what we mean by the term ‘weapons of mass destruction’. There are at least six of them, and that’s not including the samurai swords and machine guns. The cameraman must have thought he had died and gone to silicon heaven.

The exploitation genre gets a makeover then, dressed up as a stripper, an assassin and a businesswoman to be exact. Well, I say businesswoman, we’re living in a world where businesswomen dress like strippers too, so perhaps it would be best if we go with that instead. There are double crosses and double D’s aplenty in Rick Jacobson raucous tribute to grindhouse cinema. It’s in safe hands too, Rick’s previous work included directorial duties on Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess, which is probably why you will recognise the likes of Lucy Lawless, Kevin Sorbo and Renee O'Connor in guest appearances.

Hands up who remembers Cleopatra 2525? A cheap and cheerful sci-fi series that had me hooked. We’ll keep that between ourselves. Rick Jacobson was responsible for several episodes on that short-lived show, so colour me quietly impressed. You’re no doubt aware that we’re not talking Citizen Cane here; it’s time to lower your expectations and leave your tongues at the door. Rick Jacobson is about to build a better B-movie. Or at least, that was probably the plan anyway.

I’m not convinced the plot is entirely relevant but here goes anyway. Three gorgeous girls with large B-movies attempt to retrieve a cache of stolen diamonds from a corrupt cop. Things take a turn for the perverse when they find out it belongs to a criminal mastermind known as, wait for it, Pinky. Strikes fear into the heart, doesn’t it? Hel (Erin Cummings) is a con artist/ thief/part time lesbian who turns out to be a secret agent called Foxy 69. Seriously, who writes this stuff? In fairness, Erin Cummings plays the part rather well, and there’s a good chance she could shake and stir Mr Bond with a single glance.

Her partners in crime are Camerro (America Olivio), an out-of-control bad ass who overacts alarmingly, and cute as a kitten Trixie (Julia Voth). From what I can gather her character traits are naïve, innocent, incredibly dumb and most importantly, part time lesbian. Anyone expecting to use the term woody might want to go with the word ‘wooden’ instead, especially when it comes to Julia Voth’s one note performance. Still, she does manage to pull off the body-to-die-for look with ease, but if I had to choose a favourite – which we all will I’m sure – I would probably go for America Olivio. Her performance tends to grate, especially when she’s ‘reaching’ for ‘angry’, but everything else about her is just fine.

The script serves up plenty of twists and the dialogue is occasionally diverting, especially for those of us blessed with the minds of a twelve-year-old. Performances are serviceable and the obligatory explosions, gunfights and fisticuffs should keep you entertained while the B-movies take a well-earned break. I have to admit, I was genuinely surprised by the production values. Sure it’s cheap and cheerful, but it works really well. The CGI is camp, colourful and creative, reminding me of slick Japanese fare like Cutie Honey and Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl. Rick Jacobson knows what he’s doing behind the camera though; perhaps somebody should let him loose on a tighter script and a bigger budget. This review is starting to sound a little too positive for me so maybe I should wrap things up.

Bitch Slap is not a good movie in the traditional sense of the word; if you’re hoping for the kind of (s)exploitation the ad campaign suggests, you’re in for a dry night. There’s precious little nudity to be found here, there’s a sprinkling of bloody carnage and lots of B-movie footage, but there’s precious little flesh for your pound. It’s crude, it’s vulgar, it’s your twelve-year-old nephews favourite movie, but Bitch Slap fails to deliver on its promise of sex and violence.

A candy-covered coating adds weight to the mix, but there’s precious little substance to be found. Rick Jacobson may have planned to build a better B-movie but he doesn’t quite pull it off. I really should refrain from using the phrase ‘pull it off’. Bitch Slap rips from the pages of Sin City, Planet Terror and even Crank, but fails to deliver a satisfying read. Taken for what it is though, Bitch Slap could have and probably should have been a lot worse. God bless the boobies. Amen to that. AW

REVIEW: A WORLD WITHOUT THIEVES (DVD)

Andy Lau stars in Feng Xiaogang's crime story about con-artist couple Bo (Lau), an expert thief from Hong Kong, and Li (Rene Liu), a beautiful thief from Taiwan. They travel across China plying their crooked trade until Li decides to break free from her criminal lifestyle. Which is when she meets Dumbo (Wang Baoqiang), an unsuspecting hick returning home to find a wife and get married. As luck would have it, he’s also carrying his life’s savings with him.

So they board a train, along with an assortment of thieves and wrong doers headed by Uncle Li (Ge You) and his gang of misfits. Trust turns to mistrust, loyalty turns to deceit and Andy Lau’s hair goes from unintentionally hilarious to shampoo commercial perfection in no time at all.

I’ve never been a big fan of Feng Xiaogang’s output, so I’m probably not in the best position to review this 2004 commercial hit. The Banquet didn’t do much for me, and the same can be said for If You Are The One, although I do have a soft spot for wartime epic Assembly. The word plodding springs to mind, and though his talent behind the camera cannot be ignored, somebody really needs to have a word with him about pacing. But then, maybe it’s just me. Like I said, I’m probably not in the best position to review this movie.

A World Without Thieves suffers from the same problem as the films that came before it; at just under two hours long it sure takes its time in getting from one station to the next. Not a lot actually happens, and the set pieces (if you can call them that) are never truly convincing. Perhaps you can blame the laughable use of CGI, or maybe it’s the fact that some of the feats are, in reality, rather ludicrous. Whatever the reason may be, A World Without Thieves lacks credibility where it needs it most, and for a film about deception that’s really saying something.

Much of the film takes place on a train, which is fine in theory, but it does become a little tiresome after a while. Not that we can blame the train entirely. Performances are strong but some of the characters suffer the same fate as the CGI trickery. Worst offender is Wang Baoqiang, not only is his performance somewhat grating, the character of Dumbo is less believable than Lau’s wig. He’s too naive, too innocent and just too trusting a fool to immerse yourself in. His inability to act like a real person means that he’s difficult to relate to.

The rest of the cast fare better, and there are some imaginative moments to savour, but A World Without Thieves left me cold for the most part. Lau fans will probably embrace the unusual flavour; he has a habit of choosing quirky movies and themes, even if his choice of haircut defies belief this time around. But then, we are talking about a world of thieves here, where the sleight of hand can change everything. The sleight of hand and a visit to the hairdressers, that is. It wasn’t my kind of movie but that’s not to say it was a complete waste of time.

Fans of Feng Xiaogang and Andy Lau will certainly find plenty to enjoy, and there are some fine performances waiting to be discovered underneath the lumbering exterior, but for me A World Without Thieves was a train journey that doesn’t require a return ticket. Occasionally stylish and occasionally sluggish too, Andy Lau’s hairpiece has a lot to answer for. AW

REVIEW: 20th CENTURY BOYS TRILOGY (DVD)

Expectations are one thing, delivering a trilogy of films based upon Naoki Urasawa’s masterpiece is a more terrifying proposition. 20^th Century Boys tells the tale of a group of children that hang out in a grassy den after school. They create a book that depicts future Armageddon; they call it the Book of Prophecy. Sometime later, all grown up, they meet at a school reunion. People are dying at the hands of a sinister cult led by a mysterious leader known only as ‘Friend’, and the time they spent together as children is having a major influence on current events. Their predictions are coming true and the mysterious cult is using the symbol they created as their logo. Worse than that, could they really be responsible for the future of mankind?

The first film is almost two and a half hours long and not an awful lot happens. There’s very little action to speak of – though the finale sets up part two rather nicely – apart from a giant robot ripping through Japanese streets. That’s over two hours into the movie though; before then we are witness to the laying of foundations and character development. There are elements of Stephen King in there, perhaps just down to the structure, but there are definite similarities between the opening chapter of 20^th Century Boys and King’s It. Without the rubbish spider of course. The central characters are engaging and the storyline is such a doozy you’ll find it hard to resist the films lure; it should definitely find a friend in you. 

The second film – or rather ‘the terrifying second act’ – was always going to be a hard sell. There’s no beginning and no end, but Yukihiko Tsutsumi has to do enough to keep the viewer engrossed if he wants them back for part three. The Last Hope kicks off 15 years after the events of the first film, introducing us to a country that has fallen under the spell of cult leader Friend. Kenji (Karasawa Toshiaki) has been missing since the bloody New Year's Eve showdown, and is branded a terrorist along with his classmates. Kenji's niece Kanna (Taira Airi) – the cute kid in the baseball cap from part one – has grown into a spunky high school student who still looks cute in a baseball cap.

For her rebellious behaviour, Kanna is sent to ‘Friend Land’ for indoctrination, and earns the chance to enter a virtual reality world that holds the secret to Friend's identity. Which amounts to little more than girls playing with light guns and blasting computer-generated renditions of Kenji and his friends. A challenge that doesn’t go down too well at first. With Kanna's life in danger, faces from the past emerge from the shadows, but can they save the world from oblivion once more? Who exactly is Friend, and what does his New Book of Prophecy have in store for the rest of the world? Also, is this in any way related to the smoke monster from Lost?

Taira Airi’s Kanna carries much of the film's weight, taking over from uncle Kenji in part one, and it’s a refreshing change of pace to follow events from a young girls perspective. There are fewer flashbacks to be found here, much of the movie takes place in future Japan, so the story is more linear this time around. Don’t worry if you like your movies knee deep in conspiracy though, there are plenty of questions raised in part two, its very much business as usual from that perspective. There’s not much action to speak of, plenty of exposition to wade through, and any explanations are provided with the same slow burning tease. If you weren’t impressed with part one, don’t even bother with part two. Performances are strong, future Japan is striking and the returning themes of friendship, trust and honour are ever present.

The final chapter brings Kenji back to the heart of the movie; Kanna is relegated to sidekick and even more characters are introduced. With so many characters and story arcs, you’ll need to have the previous movies fresh in your mind before taking on this intriguing – not to mention baffling – finale. There are lots of flashbacks and most of the loose ends are tied up in satisfactory fashion. In an unlikely twist, Friend is given room to grow; his welcome back-story weaves a fascinating tale of loneliness and heartache.

The effects are more ‘effective’ than ever, used sparingly but worth every penny. Lets be honest though, who doesn’t like giant robots destroying entire city landscapes? Every movie should have at least one, and 20^th Century Boys manages two, colour me happy indeed. We’ll leave the flying saucers for another time. The final chapter closes with a different ending to the manga, so don’t go thinking it’s time for a brew when the final credits roll. There are another fifteen minutes to play out yet, and the films ending is both surprising and quietly affecting.

20^th Century Boys is a wonderful trilogy of films, engrossing and intoxicating in equal measures. It does require patience at times – the pedestrian plotting might put some viewers off – but for a manga/movie adaptation that was considered by many to be unfilmable, 20^th Century Boys is a considerable success. Mixing science fiction, giant robots and Stephen King sensibilities, this is eight hours of your life well spent. AW

REVIEW: 14 BLADES (DVD)

There are two Hong Kong film stars that guarantee my full attention. The first one is Donnie Yen. Goes without saying really, Donnie seems to be keeping the Hong Kong film industry alive on his own at the moment. The second one is Vicki Zhao, mainly because she’s as cute as a kitten in a dress. Which brings us to Daniel Lee’s (Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon) action extravaganza 14 Blades.

Accomplished filmmaking? Up to a point perhaps. How about substance, depth and a wide range of emotion? You’ve got to be kidding me. Would you settle for Donnie Yen kicking ass across your TV screen? You wouldn’t be reading this if you’d have it any other way. 14 Blades will never be considered high art but Daniel Lee certainly knows a little something about style over substance.

Yen plays fearless assassin Quinlong, top dog in the elite team of Jinyiwei. They are masters of the 14 Blades, eight for torture, five for killing and one for personal sacrifice. Quinlong carries them around in a mechanical box on his back, a supercharged CGI gimmick that’s fallen straight out of a Batman movie. Not what you expect from a period action epic like this, but we’ll forgive the filmmakers for now because it looks really cool when he opens it.

Quinlong is betrayed by evil eunuch Jia (Law Kar-Ying) and fellow Jinyiwei member, Xuanwu (Qi Yuwu), who spend the rest of the movie trying to kill our shirtless wonder. Quinlong escapes into the night and bumps into the ever-infectious Vicki Zhao. Vicky plays Qiao Hua, his accomplice and companion for the rest of the movie. Not that she has a choice in the matter. Quinlong kidnaps her in order to make some ridiculous point, but lets be truthful here, she probably would have gone anyway. I certainly would have. What do you mean, can you say man-crush?

You could probably rip 14 Blades apart piece by piece if you wanted to; Daniel Lee has delivered a hollow action spectacle lacking in both substance and depth. The characters we’re asked to follow are one-dimensional at best, and you’re never really given the opportunity to care about any of them. There are two reasons why we do take sides, and that brings us back to the Donnie & Vicki effect.

Surely they were given character names for a reason? Lee has provided such little background, such little insight in to what motivates them, that you’ll probably find yourself referring to them as Donnie and Vicki anyway. Having said that, Donnie is so much bigger than most of the movies he appears in, I probably find myself doing that all the time anyway. Vicki’s Qiao Hua is given less to do of course, but her puppy dog innocence shines through at every turn.

So it’s fair to say that 14 Blades shouldn’t be considered perfect cinema, but I’m not about to tear the film apart because I loved every pulse-pounding minute of it. If there’s one movie genre that can get away with style over substance its action cinema, and if there’s one actor willing to take on the heavy burden of style over substance it’s Donnie Yen. Lee fills the screen with energetic sword fights, kick ass confectionary and colourful CGI that complements rather than compensates. Donnie is his usual charismatic self, but it’s nice to see a couple of minor characters challenging him for the kick-ass crown.

Taiwan heartthrob Wu Chun makes his presence felt when it comes to onscreen swagger and Kate Tsui steals every scene she's in. Silent, dangerous and deadly, not to mention lethal with an effects laden metal whip, Lee’s done a great job of transforming the former Miss Hong Kong into cinema’s sexiest screen villain. Wrapping herself around a dazzling display of CGI trickery, Lee and Tsui ensure that their latest movie is never less than bewitching.

What it lacks in substance and depth, it makes up for in eye candy and action. Expectations are one thing but less is sometimes more. 14 Blades entertains in superficial fashion but entertains none the less, and more often than not it’s good enough for me. Action junkies, Yen fanatics and Zhao enthusiasts step inside. Not forgetting film fans with a soft (?) spot for former Miss Hong Kong’s and metal whips. That would be most of us then. AW

REVIEW: 13: GAME OF DEATH (DVD)

Thai director Chukiat Sakveerakul wants to play a game with you. Adapted from the ‘My Mania’ comic book series written by Eakasit Thairaat – which successfully blends violent action, black comedy and social commentary – 13: Game of Death tells the tale of a desperate man caught up in a horrifying underground game.

Thai-American singer/actor Krissada Terrence stars as ‘average Joe’ Phuchit, and you have to feel sorry for him, in no time at all he’s lost his girlfriend and car, not to mention the thankless job he clambers out of bed for each and every morning. To make matters worse, his own mother is bleeding him dry. So it's little wonder that he’s more than a little curious when a mysterious caller invites him to participate in a secret game.

The prize; 100 million baht. All he has to do is complete thirteen tasks in one day, the first of which seems straightforward enough. Sounds like a plan, though I have to say from personal experience, killing a fly can be quite a tricky task unless you’re blessed with the reflexes of Mr Miyagi. The next challenge is to eat the fly he’s killed. There's no turning back for Phuchit now (an appropriate name when mispronounced); he only has eleven more challenges to overcome, but what starts simple turns deadly as the tasks become increasingly dangerous, sinister and disturbing.

It’s an intriguing premise then, and Sakveerakul handles directorial duties well enough. The first thing you will notice is the delightful humour running through its veins. A hallmark of recent Thai productions, the screenplay is littered with black humour and random quirkiness. Take Phuchit’s work colleagues for example, one of which reports him for assault after an altercation. In order to fill out the police report the officer needs to know his full title, but Phuckit lives such a meaningless existence not even his boss knows what his last name is.

The more outrageous the circumstance the more humorous the film becomes, and it certainly makes for an entertaining ride. Phuckit reaches breaking point early on; a broken man without fear and emotion replaces the meek and mild doormat of the opening act. Sakveerakul could have taken the David Fincher approach – all dark, gloomy and self important – but he opts for a lighter tone that embraces the absurdity of the situation. Though it has to be said, you would think a criminal on the run might consider changing his blood stained shirt every once in a while.

The film isn’t without its faults. Some of the early challenges lack invention, and thrills for that matter. Modern horror audiences have grown up with the likes of Saw, Martyrs and Frontiers, which pave the way for deeper waters and darker consequence. The opening challenges in 13: Game Of Death are mild – silly even – by comparison. It’s not until the final act that events take a terrifying turn for the better.

Not only that, 13: Game of Death often feels like a one-man show because the supporting players don’t really get a look in. There is a cop on Phuckit’s tail but you will do well to notice him. His female co-worker/love interest fares a little better but the role still feels under-developed. Her continued presence lacks meaning and serves only to extend an all ready ample running time. Having said that, the ending really is a blast. It’s bleak, devastating and the less said about it the better.

13 might be unlucky for some but Game Of Death should be considered anything but. Dark and deadly with a delicious sense of humour, this is one Thai thriller well worth the roll of a dice. So why don’t you take the call? You never know, it might be your lucky day. AW

REVIEW: 7 DAYS (DVD)

Ninety minutes can feel like a long time, especially in the company of Dr Bruno Hamel. Daniel Grou takes us on another dark and depressing journey of retribution with French thriller 7 Days. Dr Hamel (Claude Legault) lives a peaceful existence with his family, but their happy home is turned upside down when his daughter walks to school alone just so he can spend some ‘quality time’ with his wife. Hamel remains oblivious to his daughter’s disappearance until a classmate shows up at their door with her homework.

Happiness is shattered when her body is discovered, raped and murdered in a nearby field. Bruno struggles to come to terms with the loss, and the rapid capture of her killer (Martin Dubreuil) does little to ease his pain. Deep in despair, Bruno takes the law into his own hands and kidnaps the killer, promising to torture the murderer for 7 days before killing him on his daughter’s birthday. The week that follows makes for grim viewing, and Grou shows little restraint when it comes to graphic violence.

The biggest problem with 7 Days is that precious little time is given to creating a sympathetic character in Bruno. Once he starts to torture his victim 7 Days becomes an emotional vacuum devoid of heart and humanity. Perhaps Legault’s performance is to blame, he fails to convey the requisite emotion and worse still, comes on like a sulking teen for most of the movie. In his haste to pile on the vengeance and brutality, Grou forgets to create a protagonist worth rooting for, affording us little time to sympathise with this empty shell of a man.

There’s a lack of connection right from the start, and without it you’ll find yourself drifting despairingly from one torture sequence to the next. The path we walk to revenge will leave many viewers uncomfortable, and the longer Bruno toys with his victim the more he turns into the very thing he set out to destroy. Events take a terrifying turn when Bruno kidnaps the mother of one of the other victims, simply because she refuses to condone his actions on live TV. He forces the lady into taking her revenge, but by this stage any moral high ground he had has sunk beneath the surface, lost beneath the emptiness of bitterness and hurt.

It’s never a good sign when the villain of the piece evokes more sympathy than the victim, but the longer 7 Days goes on the more you’ll wish Dr Hamel would put everyone out of their misery. Had the character of Bruno been more established I might have succumbed to the ride. Having the protagonist become the antagonist is a neat twist, but the impact is lessened if there’s no emotional investment towards that character. TV show Breaking Bad is probably the finest example of good guys gone bad, because no matter what happens, you still find yourself rooting for Walter White.

The only character worthy of praise is Detective Herve Mercure (Remy Girard). The film opens with him watching his wife’s murder on CCTV, a harrowing vision that sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Girard’s performance is both memorable and criminally wasted. He doesn’t get the screen time he deserves because Grou seems more interested in racking up gruesome torture sequences and male genitalia. As the story progresses Mercure is thrust into the background and any hope of a union between the weary officer and our muddled protagonist is lost in translation.

The opening scene feels pointless come the film's conclusion because any themes of connection are sidelined in favour of sledgehammers and intestines. It’s a shame because Grou certainly asks the right questions, but revelations about ever-present shades of morality are blurry to say the least. At least we find out whether vengeance is worthwhile, and in the case of 7 Days the answer is indisputably no. Despite lofty ambitions, 7 Days amounts to little more than the further adventures of torture-porn.

Drawn out, confused and ultimately pointless, 7 Days disappoints with its lack of focus and reason. Violence to counteract violence only ends in yet more violence; you don’t need to spend 90 minutes in the company of Bruno Hamel to figure that one out. AW

VERDICT: THE RETURNED (TV)

The Returned promised much. A French supernatural thriller set in a small Alpine village where a group of men, women and children did not yet know that they had been dead for several years. In the shadow of a vast dam, they found themselves in a state of confusion, trying to return to their homes. Their arrival coincided with a series of gruesome murders bearing a chilling resemblance to the work of a serial killer from the past; a homecoming like no other.

For most of the series we were gripped. In fact, for pretty much all of it we were on the edge of our seats, trying to fathom out what the hell was going on, hoping there would be answers. But more and more questions were being raised, and little was getting resolved.  We had Camille and Simon - who both died years earlier. They had not aged, and they were completely unaware of their own deaths.

Camille’s parents separated after her death, and on her return she soon realised that her mother was in a relationship with Pierre, an odd figure who knew all along that the dead would return. Her twin sister, meanwhile, spent most of her days getting drunk, but it took Simon a little longer to work out how he had passed, and a little longer for his onetime partner Adele to forgive him. Then there was Victor, a strange little boy looking for a fairy, and finding lonely nurse Julie instead.

But they weren’t the only ones brought back. As Camille invented a new identity for herself as 'cousin Alice', Julie's very dark past resurfaced and threatened to destroy her completely, her neighbour was murdered, and Simon was abruptly separated from Adèle and his daughter Chloe when he was shot. The serial killer popped up from time to time, continuing his work, but his progress was hindered by his brother, still alive but guilty about his siblings death, as well as his mother's. Meanwhile, dead animals were being found perfectly persevered, there was a sudden power cut, scars were appearing on both the dead and the living, and nobody seemed able to leave the town. Keeping up?

Come the final episode, relations, unsurprisingly, were very strained between the living and the dead. The living feared the deceased, especially as a newer and more sinister wave had entered the town. What did they want? Why were they here? Well, despite hints that some of the dead were merely back for revenge after losing their lives when the dam broke years earlier, while others were simply trying to get their lives back, the outcome of The Returned was a bit of a choker. There were no real answers. Some of the subplots almost reached closure, but others – the serial killer in particular – simply confused.

Okay, so we have another season to endure, but a few answers would have made the trip a bit more bearable and left us wanting more. Instead, we got nothing. It raised a few interesting questions, especially in the form of what would you do in these circumstances, but we still have no idea why they returned; or, more to the point, why some of the ‘zombies’ had returned first, only to be sought after by the other dead. And why did they leave the serial killer behind? And did they give up when a few cops pointed guns at them? And why did the dam burst and flood the town again? And where did they all go? And what happened to the other townsfolk who had no part in this story?

The Returned sustained interest for the most part, thanks to a refreshing dose of chills, nudity, confusion, intriguing characters, and a score that will stay in your head forever. We should give the creators the benefit of the doubt and pray that there’s a bigger story here. I, for one, shall return, ever hopeful. Others may not. DW

REVIEW: 4BIA (DVD)

4bia brings together four of the best-known directors in Thailand, including the makers of Body 19, Shutter and Alone. Each of the four stories is connected by the notion of fear; the fear of being alone, the fear of reprisal, the fear of ghosts and the fear of the dead. Each tale clocks in at just under 30 minutes with varying degrees of success. It’s also worth checking out the follow up, a titillating sequel that surpasses the original in almost every way.

First out the blocks is Happiness, directed by Yongyoot Thongkongtoon (Iron Ladies). Happiness introduces us to a girl with a broken leg, alone in her apartment with a mobile phone for company. A mysterious stranger sends her a random text message and, though cautious at first, boredom gives way to curiosity and events take a turn for the worse. One girl, one apartment, one phone, that’s pretty much all there is to it, but it’s astonishing just how sinister an alert tone can be when you’re alone in the dark. ‘Happiness’ is a slow, deliberate tease from start to finish that culminates in a well-crafted pay off. One down, three to go.

Where as Happiness immersed itself in sounds of silence, Tit For Tat takes the opposite approach, a truly bombastic affair with music video credentials. Paween Purijitpanya (Body 19) tells the tale of a young boy out for revenge after placing a curse on the classmates that bullied him. Dropping the drip feed of terror of Happiness, Tit For Tat comes on like the latest entry in the Final Destination series. Tit For Tat is relentless, bloody and loud, making it clear that the producers of 4bia are hoping to revisit every horror cliché in one fell swoop. Even the dodgy effects are on hand to enhance the appeal of my favourite chapter.

In The Middle throws comedy into the mix when four friends go camping in the woods. Sly references to modern classics like Shutter, Ringu and The Sixth Sense are a nice touch, but they also remind you of much better movies. Take the glass half full approach and you may welcome the change of pace. In The Middle sure takes its time though, and when it does reach its lightweight conclusion there’s a faint whiff of familiarity; there’s even a joke to be made at the films expense (amusing though it is). The characters are likeable enough, but for me the lighthearted banter and lack of true thrills merely weathered the storm until part four.

Last Fright takes us above the clouds and beyond the grave with a pretty air stewardess, an eastern princess and a regretful affair. Not forgetting a vengeful corpse back to inflict bloody retribution. Director Parkpoom Wongpoom (the other guy from Shutter) serves up the most traditional Asian horror story of all, slow out the blocks but well executed all the same. The big pay off may not be as memorable as it should be, but that’s only because Last Fright is too familiar a tale in this day and age.

So there you have it, an entertaining mix but a mixed bag none the less. It’s a shame that the first half of the movie promises more than the completed picture delivers, especially considering the talent behind In The Middle and Last Fright. Worse than that, 4bia feels like four short stories thrown together for the sake of making a movie. It would have been so much more fulfilling had the producers connected the films in some way. Take the ending for example; Last Fright brings the entire production to a shuddering halt with a sudden denouement. I was hoping for a little bit more, something to tie the preceding chapters to it, to make the film seem more complete.

4bia is less than a sum of its parts but it does deliver plenty of chills, thrills and laughter (well, the occasional snigger). The second installment however, makes for a more satisfying whole. AW

REVIEW: ESCAPE (DVD)

In 2006 Roar Uthaug took us on an unnerving journey into the heart of fear. Cold Prey wasn’t just a slasher movie; it was pretty much the perfect slasher movie. Beautiful cinematography and relentless scares combined to create one of the smartest horror movies of the year.

Uthaug returned as co-writer – along with regular collaborator Thomas Moldestad – for the highly anticipated sequel, a follow up that delivered on almost every level. Moldestad isn’t the only regular returning to the fold; scream queen Ingrid Bolso Berdal (Cold Prey’s femme fatale) takes centre stage in the short but sweet action thriller, Escape.

Ten years after the Black Plague ravaged their country, a poor family sets out on a journey to find a new home. On a remote mountain pass they are attacked by a band of vicious thugs, led by the devilishly devious Dagmar (Berdal). Signe (Isabel Christine Andreasen), a young girl now haunted by the murder of her brother, is the only person left alive.

At the gangs camp she discovers that she’s not alone. Another child called Frigg (Milla Olin) has also been kidnapped, and it’s here that she learns of their fate. Signe has one chance of survival, she must try to escape, but Dagmar and her merciless men aren’t about to let her go that easily.

At its core, Escape is a stripped back action thriller, but we also find ourselves in survival horror territory, a chase movie that replaces axe-wielding madmen with bows, arrows and spears. Escape is set in a disease-ridden medieval world, minimalistic but beautifully captured on screen. You can thank cinematographer John Christian Rosenlund for that, not to mention the stunning Norwegian landscape.

Every twist is set up meticulously, foreshadowing the chase sequence that lies ahead. Uthaug stages these scenes competently enough but there’s too much precision at times, and without the element of surprise the action sequences aren’t as engaging as they ought to be. A little more depth would have created more sympathy for both our leads, but because Escape barely pauses for breath, the paint-by-numbers framework lessens the impact of underlying tension.

At just under 76 minutes there’s not a lot of room for character development either, but credit to Moldestad for constructing effective – albeit hasty – backstory that provide our leading ladies with the motivation they need. The relationship between Dagmar and her top henchman would have benefited from room to breathe because the onscreen chemistry leaves you wanting more, and the same can be said for Frigg, whose unexplored backstory could have been fleshed out to greater effect.

Two strong performances tip the scales back in Escape’s favour, as do the beautiful landscape and a suitably haunting score. Uthaug might not be firing on all cylinders with this one but he’s still a class act, and there’s just enough here to warrant your full attention. There’s a chance this latest Norwegian thriller will be a little too shallow for some, but Escape remains a captivating experience, despite the fact that a little more depth could have resulted in a genre classic.

Escape marks a return to survival horror that’s enjoyable but lightweight, intriguing if not entirely essential. An action packed thriller that both underwhelms and excites, that packs a punch but fails to land the fatal blow. The latest thrill-ride from the creators of the Cold Prey series leaves you wanting more but not always for the right reasons, so lets just hope it’s not the last we see from such a winning team. AW

HIDDEN GEM? ALTITUDE (DVD)

Five teenage friends, including rookie pilot Sara (Jessica Lowndes of 90210), rent a small plane for a weekend getaway. Shortly after take-off events go horribly wrong. Instruments on the plane begin to malfunction causing it to climb higher and higher, leading them into a threatening storm cloud just as the fuel starts running out. All in all, not the perfect start to a relaxing getaway. Best not mention the flying octopus, then...

He said: Modern horror movies aren’t exactly known for well-written sympathetic characters, but with Altitude, writer Paul A. Birkett has created three of the most irritating teenagers in the history of screenwriting. Perhaps I’m being unkind to the guys on this one, but even by today’s standards, it’s rare for central characters to act so dumb. Common sense, rationalisation and resourcefulness are left behind on the runway as our three leads bicker, argue and fight their way through sixty minutes of tedium and despair.

She said: He's being unkind. Sal (played by Jake Weary) easily redeems himself in the latter stages of the movie, as does Bruce (Landon Liboiron), mainly down to the pleasing twist just before the final act. Besides, our main protagonist, Sara (90210's Jessica Lowndes) is one of the hottest female leads in many a while, and regardless of her so-called buddies, she makes this film worthy of your attention. Unless you're a girl, because all the boys are rubbish. They're all quite good looking though, so that's something.

He said: The leading lady looks hot.

She said: Indeed.

He said:  Common sense, rationalisation and resourcefulness are left behind on the runway as our three leads bicker, argue and fight their way through sixty minutes of tedium and despair.

She said: Who hasn't laughed at the drunken squabblings of teenagers? Who hasn't participated (even if it was a while back) in drunken squabblings? Director Kaare Andrews is clearly more intune with the younger voice than some, besides, the opening act offers some decent humour, intentional as well as not.

He said:  Bruce is the most underwritten character in the entire movie, and as things turn out, pretty much the most important one too.

She said: This much is true, but when all is said and done, you'll almost forgive the guy for being such a lame-ass. Trust me...

He said: The five characters spend the majority of the first hour arguing about their predicament, rather than doing anything constructive about it.

She said: They're in a plane and only one person knows how to fly it (sort of). Not even B A Baracus could guide them out of this mess.

He said:  And boy, do they have plenty to argue about – in fact it’s any wonder they became friends in the first place. Bruce collects comic books and clings hold of a tragic past, that’s pretty much all we get to know about him until the final act. He’s resentful of Sara’s desire to start over, and it soon becomes clear that she has no intention of continuing their relationship once she’s gone, which kind of makes you wonder why she invited him along?

She said: This much is true, although conflict is good, and Altitude does have a decent love triangle going on. 

He said:  Even before the movie takes an almighty leap of faith, the spectacularly dumb script suffers from an ample amount of turbulence. One early scene finds Cory abseiling the outside of the plane in order to resume control. He’s hanging from a rope in the middle of a storm, 12000 feet in the air, and still refuses to take the plane's one and only parachute because “I’ve been free climbing since I was twelve and it will only slow me down.” Of course it will Cory, but then again, isn’t there also the chance that it might save your life? Stupidity has never run so deep. Having said that, this is by far the most enjoyable scene in the movie.

She said: This is the most enjoyable scene in the movie, other than the entire final act. My favourite line comes from Sara though, just after the plane goes tits up, daring to utter, "Maybe I missed something during the pre-flight, I don't know!"

He said:  A preposterous tale about five teenagers trapped on a rising plane becomes a monstrous fantasy ripped from the pages of a comic book. The final act is ridiculous beyond words, but after the teen angst and petty disputes that come before it, you really will feel a welcome sense of release.

She said: Shit the bed, this conflict-driven teen drama has suddenly transmogrified into one hell of a ride with one of the best twists since Unbreakable.

He said: It’s a shame that the climatic twist feels so forced, pointlessly tacked on to inspire debate, without any sense of closure, common sense or reasoning. Then again, we are talking about a movie in which a plane is attacked by a giant flying squid - so perhaps it’s best if we let that slide for now.

She said: Let it slide? This is brilliant. I was quietly satisfied beforehand, even if I had already seen the trailer and its money shot, which had yet to arrive, but I certainly wasn't expecting such a cracking turn of events - and it gets even better still, daring to go further than you could imagine. Wow, this rivals Spielberg (see Always).

He said: I’m a big fan of big dumb horror movies, more than willing to ignore the implausibility of the plot and go along for the ride. Had Kaare Andrews and Paul A. Birkett put more emphasis on their Twilight Zone style turn, Altitude could’ve made for light, breezy escapism. Instead they choose to saddle the film with whiny teenagers, lacklustre pacing and one twist too far. Like a greasy burger from a motorway café, Altitude seems like a good idea at the time, but the burning sensation in the pit of your stomach suggests that you’ll think twice before eating there again.

She said: His first sentance is all that matters. It's big, dumb, and in the end, cleverer than it ever ought to be.

HORROR CLASSIC: THE ABC'S OF DEATH (DVD)

Stephen R. Covey once said, “Strength lies in differences, not in similarities.” That’s certainly the case with The ABCs of Death, a 2012 American anthology horror film produced by Ant Timpson and Tim League. Their plan was simple, one movie consisting of 26 short films, shot by up and coming directors from 15 countries. Each director was assigned a letter of the alphabet and given free rein in choosing a word to create a story involving death.

While the individual chapters were always going to be a little hit and miss, depending on your taste in horror, the quality of filmmakers is undeniable. Marcel Sarmiento (Deadgirl), Noboru Iguchi (The Machine Girl), Yudai Yamaguchi (Tamami), Ti West (The Innkeepers), Banjong Pisanthanakun (Shutter), Adam Wingard (A Horrible Way to Die) and our very own Ben Wheatley (Kill List) lend their skills to a disjointed, occasionally offensive, often engaging and highly recommended movie going experience.

Spanish filmmaker Nacho Vigalondo is an ideal choice to get the ball rolling, having directed the sublime time travel thriller, Time Crimes. His entry, A is for Apocalypse, sets an awkward tone that ABCs never quite recovers from, but then one might argue that’s also the reason why it remained so captivating. Apocalypse is a darkly comic offering that sets a relatively high standard, one that the following two chapters fail to live up to.

One of the standout chapters arrives as early as D, with Marcel Sarmiento (Deadgirl) delivering a savagely entertaining short that delivers in every sense of the word. A lot of the stories lack closure but D is for Dogfight feels complete, and if I had to choose a favourite chapter it would probably be this. There are several gems littered throughout and the diversity at times is staggering. Q is for Quack takes a self mocking tone and is all the more enjoyable for it, Y is for Youngbuck veers into revenge territory and U is for Unearthed earns points for injecting new life into a saturated sub-genre.

If you’re looking for something a little insane you’re bound to find it here, with the Asian entries in particular offering up a heady dose of light relief. Or in the case of Noboru Iguchi’s F is for Fart, a heady dose of light release. Yudai Yamaguchi (Tamami) blends samurai styling with goofy humour in J is for Jidai-geki and Banjong Pisanthanakun (Shutter) takes us on a bloodthirsty flight of fancy. All surpassed by Lee Hardcastle’s entry, the winner of an online competition to find talented new filmmakers, who gives the concept of toilet humour an amusing and literal spin.

Lacklustre entries are inevitable of course; not least the inexcusable M is for Miscarriage, an ill-conceived shocker that smacks of laziness and distaste. The fact that it comes from Ti West – the director of The Innkeepers and The House of the Devil – makes it doubly disappointing. G is for Gravity fails to find it’s footing too, leaving you with an overwhelming sense of, ‘oh, is that it?’ They’re not the only ones either, B is for Bigfoot, E is for Exterminate and I is for Ingrown open promisingly but fail to engage in the way that they should.

There are still highlights waiting to be discovered though, with one chapter in particular proving just how far $5000 can go. V is for Vagitus (the crying of a newborn baby) is an electrifying sci-fi movie that bleeds creativity from every pour. Kaare Andrews – a Canadian comic book writer, artist and filmmaker – puts the other directors to shame in terms of jaw-dropping spectacle. His 2010 directorial debut, Altitude, is also worth checking out.

Extreme cinema finds a home in Timo Tjahjanto’s L is for Libido, an uncompromising entry that deals with ejaculation, masturbation and chainsaws. P is for Pressure has the potential of pushing animal lovers over the edge and X is for XXL makes a powerful point about appearance. Directed by Xavier Gens (Frontiers), XXL really goes for the jugular, earning its place with a sickening display of self-harm and social commentary. I’m not sure if I should be more disturbed by the subject matter or the fact that it was one of my favourite chapters.

The second half of the movie is stronger than the first, with Jon Schnepp’s entry for ‘W’ summing up the whole experience perfectly, but fans of the horror genre are bound to find something to enjoy along the way. With entries varying from 30 seconds to 5 minutes in length, there’s never enough time to get bored and the scattershot approach actually works in its favour. The ABCs proves, if nothing else, that there’s plenty of life in death, and the horror genre seems to be in very safe hands indeed. AW

ONE TO WATCH: FAST & FURIOUS 6

Oh boy. Once again we leave our brains at the door as Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) has Dom (Vin Diesel) and Brian (Paul Walker) reassemble their crew in order to take down a mastermind who commands an organization of mercenary drivers across twelve countries. Payment? Full pardons for them all. Our reward? Another breezy barrage of brilliant car chases and cheesy one-liners as our favourite herd of hirelings smashes its way through the streets of London and Spain.

Only the stuffiest of people will find reason to complain. We can’t deny it has its flaws, and it doesn’t quite match Fast 5 for conflict or action, but by adding a flying headbutt, the most ridiculously cool mid-air snatch and a tank to proceedings, we’ll forgive any shortcomings. The Fast franchise has become one to savour, so by adding a welcome cameo at the end of this instalment we are once again looking forward to another brainless actioner with some of the best car chases and banter you are ever likely to witness. Tej Parker sums it up perfectly; Fast 6 is awkward but sexy as hell. DW

AVOID: PARKER (DVD)

I love Jason Statham. He’s a dependable action star, and seeing as Sly, Arnie, Bruce and Jean are past their prime these days, there aren't many heroes left to save the world like they did in the 80s. Other actors have tried to fill the void but over the last ten years the job has been left to The Rock Dwayne Johnson and our very own Jason. Statham’s movies are largely critic proof but just occasionally a less than stellar entry falls through the cracks of his CV, and not even our Jase can crank it up a notch.

Based on the best-selling novel 'Flash Fire' by Richard Stark, Parker is directed by the Oscar-winning filmmaker Taylor Hackford (Ray), co-starring Jennifer Lopez (Out of Sight) and Nick Nolte (Gangster Squad). Statham plays a hardened criminal who will do whatever it takes to get things done. He lives by his own code of ethics, which pretty much translate to ‘don't steal from people who can't afford it and don't hurt people who don't deserve it’. Somewhat predictably, Parker is double-crossed by his crew and left for dead, so once again it's time for payback.

This latest incarnation of Parker – a character already brought to life on the big screen by the likes of Mel Gibson and Robert Duvall – fails to light the blue touch paper. Twenty minutes too long and lacking the necessary intensity, Hackford’s Parker is a stolid affair from start to finish. The action is undercooked and the characters lack bite. Nolte mumbles his way through the entire movie (I can’t remember the last time I understood a word he said) and Lopez doesn’t ‘perk’ things up until almost an hour in. Statham and Lopez work well together and J-Lo still looks good in her underwear, but there’s little else to recommend this bland affair.

Statham is a good choice for the role of Parker but McLaughlin’s screenplay doesn’t give him much to work with. More importantly, I can’t remember the last time I called a Jason Statham movie dull. Silly, over the top and underwritten for sure, but monotonous and sluggish, who would have thought such a thing? The occasional dust-up does hit the mark – usually with a toilet lid – but Hackford’s Parker should have been a little more creative and a lot more fun. AW

AN EVENING WITH RUDD: THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER; THIS IS 40

Otherwise known as When Percy Met Hermione, The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a charming Indie drama written and adapted by Stephen Chbosky. Starring a magnetic young cast including Ezra Miller, Logan Lerman and Emma Watson, Wallflower weaves a familiar tale of young love, mix tapes and teen angst. A moving tale of love, loss, fear and hope, and the unforgettable friends that guide us through life. Oh, and Paul Rudd is in it. Always a bonus.

Watson is infectious, Lerman is everything a naïve adolescent should be, and they both nail their roles emphatically. The trials and tribulations of teen life have been done to death and the tacked on melodrama of the final act feels a bit rushed, but with a striking soundtrack and heart plucking moments aplenty (usually when Watson is asked to do emotion), The Perks of Being a Wallflower blossoms into something magical. Who needs a magic wand anyway?

From the director of Knocked Up and The 40-Year-Old Virgin comes a movie about teen angst on a grown up scale. That’s a midlife crisis to you and me. After years of marriage, Pete (Paul Rudd) and Debbie (Leslie Mann) are having a meltdown. As they try to balance romance, careers, parents and children, they must also figure out how to survive the rest of their lives together. Featuring Melissa McCarthy at her foul-mouthed best, Jason Segal, Chris O’Dowd, Megan Fox in all her majesty, John Lithgow and Albert Brooks, This Is 40 can’t be accused of being short on talent.

What is can be accused of is lacking focus and plot. At a potentially hazardous 134 minutes, This Is 40 doesn’t always hit the mark and the lack of drive does mean that the story derails from time to time. Having said that, This Is 40 is funny. Gut punchingly funny at times. The entire cast are on the top of their game, particularly Rudd and Mann, and This Is 40 lands a blow to the funny bone so frequently there is a strong possibility you’ll fall in love with this ‘sort of’ sequel all the same. AW

REVIEW: RESOLUTION (DVD)

Resolution is nothing like The Cabin In The Woods (2012). There, we said it. From here on in, we won't compare Whedon's classic horror with Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead's low-budget chiller - unlike every other review you're likely to come across - because, quite frankly, the film is nothing like it. Categorically, without doubt and without question, nothing like it. Apart from the cabin. And the woods...

(To read our verdict click on either image)

AVOID: BULLET TO THE HEAD (DVD)

It’s strange that, after so many years in the wilderness, Stallone found prosperity in the form of previous success. By returning to his roots he was able to rekindle the magic of old, thrusting himself back into the limelight with films like Rocky Balboa, Rambo and The Expendables. Stranger still, The Expendables proved that Stallone was able to laugh at his own preposterous image. Like so many of his contemporaries, he seemed willing to accept that no matter how many times you save the world, the inevitability of age will not be defeated.

Which makes his decision to team up with Walter Hill (48 Hrs) an odd one, even if they do have something in common. Hill has been out of the spotlight for over a decade now, shying away from true success since the mid 80’s. Bullet to the Head, however, is a throwback to the worst of 80’s cinema; the type of lug-headed action movie that killed Stallone’s career in the first place. He plays Jimmy Bobo, a jaded hit man who forms an alliance with a cop in order to exact revenge on the mercenary who murdered their respective partners. Not even Jason Momoa (Conan The Barbarian, Game of Thrones) and Christian Slater (True Romance) can make amends.

Buckling under the weight of cringe-worthy banter, terrible dialogue and generic plotting, Bullet to the Head is a disappointment from start to finish. At least the latest Die Hard movie had some decent – if not ridiculous – action to fall back on. The best that Bullet can muster is a closing axe-battle between Stallone and Momoa, but even that falls short of entertaining. After watching Bullet to the Head it’s clear to me that a bullet to the kneecap is a quicker – and more humane – way to die. AW