REVIEW: NINJA BATTLE (DVD)

Film: Ninja Battle
UK Release date: 6th February 2012
Certificate: 15
Director: Seiji Chiba
Starring: Mika Hijii, Kentaro Shimazu, Kenji Matsuda, Ben Hiura
Running time: 66 mins
Genre: Martial Arts/Action/Adventure
Country: Japan
Reviewer: Adam Wing

Read all about it! Seiji Chiba in ninja movie shocker! Before we start, I want to remind you of the last time I wrote about a Seiji Chiba movie. The film was called Rogue Ninja and the review went a little something like this. “For a film that clocks in at just over an hour, there’s a lot of exposition to wade through. The characters in Rogue Ninja sure like to talk, conspiring, deliberating, or just plain standing around putting the world to rights - you sometimes get the feeling that the world of Rogue Ninja is set inside a giant girl’s bathroom.” You wouldn’t believe how tempted I was to just copy and paste the review over. Then again, isn’t that kind of what I’m doing now? Wait, there’s more…

“The battle scenes are tightly choreographed - fast, fluid and energetic - but it’s fair to expect that of Seiji Chiba by now, if he still hasn’t got the hang of ninja action then all hope is lost. With a final battle that takes place in, what looks like, the same cave as Alien vs. Ninja, Chiba could be accused of making the same film again - without the rubber costumes and the comedy. Rogue Ninja has very little going for it beyond attractive leads and entertaining fight choreography. As for me, I kind of miss the alien.” To be fair to Ninja Battle, the final battle doesn’t take place in, what looks like, the same cave as Rogue Ninja and Alien vs. Ninja. That would be a ridiculous notion. The truth is, pretty much the entire movie is shot in, what looks like, the same cave as Alien vs. Ninja!

In the year 1851, The Iga province was annihilated by Oda Nobunala and the Koga allied forces, it’s said that the cause of the Iga’s downfall was Shimoyama Kai’s treason. Ninja Battle is the story of the ninja agents who were given secret orders for the sake of the Iga’s restoration right before the Iga’s downfall. What follows (you’d hope) is a blood-soaked, ninja-powered action fest from cult director Seiji Chiba (Alien vs. Ninja) and a cast that includes Ben Hiura (Zatoichi) and Kentaro Shimazu (Tokyo Gore Police).

Sawa is a low ranking Koga ninja from Kashiwagi village, and when we first meet her she is bound and gagged in a familiar looking cave setting. She is discovered by Iga ninjas, who have got to be thinking it’s their lucky day, Sawa is kind of hot and the whole bound and gagged thing is a real turn on. Maybe that’s just me though. There’s another problem however, the person they’re actually looking for is lying beside her, and its not like he’s getting up anytime soon. It turns out - after much discussion - that the Iga leaders are having a meeting and our three ninja leads are to deliver a secret document to them. That is of course, if they ever find their way out the damn dirty cave.

Ninja Battle really does suffer the same fate as its siblings. It’s way too talky, it clocks in at just over sixty minutes (probably a good thing), and the action sequences are few and far between. In fact, there’s less fighting in this one than there was in Bridget Jones’s Diary. Remind me again what the name of the movie is? Ninja Battle has to be one of the most inappropriate film titles of the year. The action choreography when it does come is tight, but there’s nothing that we haven’t seen before. What’s more, the DVD transfer is truly terrifying. Chiba’s films are always low budget affairs, but this latest addition (it actually predates Alien vs. Ninja) looks like something you might find on YouTube.

With competent performances and plenty of twists to keep you guessing, Ninja Battle is actually a big improvement on Rogue Ninja. The story unfolds like a stage play and as a result, you might not surrender to boredom quite so easily. I said might not. The problem being of course that watching a ninja movie without ninja action is like watching a Harry Potter film without wizards – it just doesn’t cast the right kind of spell. I’m pretty sure this wont be the last we hear of Seiji Chiba, he’s probably filming his latest masterpiece as we speak. After all, it can’t be too long before Ninja Cave Girl appears on a DVD shelf near you. 

ONE TO WATCH: COWBOYS AND ALIENS (DVD)

"The Old West.  A stranger with no memory of his past stumbles into the hard desert town of Absolution. The only hint to his history is a mysterious shackle that encircles one wrist. But the people of Absolution don't welcome strangers – especially those of the wanted variety - and none more so than the iron-fisted Colonel Dolarhyde (Ford). And yet it’s neither man the townsfolk of Absolution should fear. It’s the demons of the sky. A bunch of murderous aliens searching for gold. Could the stranger they rejected be their only hope for salvation?

Yes, I know, the plot sounds utterly ridiculous but you’ve got to give it a chance. What we have here is one of the best action-adventure films from 2011, and refreshingly gritty to boot. Two hours fly by as director Jon Favreau delivers one of the most action-packed, blood-spilling, monster-mashing spectacles in recent memory. The casting is spot on, there’s no self-abuse when it comes to the CGI, and it’s a lot darker than you probably thought it would be. With horror and humour complimenting the neat set-pieces, and a bunch of characters worth rooting for, you’d be stupid to ignore this bonkers western – yeehaw!" DW

ONE TO WATCH? WAR HORSE

Based on the book by Michael Morpurgo, War Horse is about one horse's experience in the deadly chaos of the First World War. In 1914, Joey, a young farm horse, is sold to the army and thrust into the midst of the war on the Western Front, leaving a devastated teenage boy called Albert behind. Witnessing the horror of the frontline and the desolation of the trenches, Joey's courage touches the soldiers and every other person he meets, but none more so than Albert, now a private. After all they have been through will Albert and Joey return home together? It’s Spielberg. What do you think?

Despite an amusingly bizarre opening hour in the company of various stereotypes with funny accents, War Horse isn’t as bold or as thrilling as I was led to believe. The horses are astonishing, and Joey’s relationship with mare Topthorn is easily the most heart-warming, while Albert (Jeremy Irvine) shrugs off his annoyingly thick-witted persona to conjure up enough empathy for the final furlong. Sadly, when either Topthorn or Albert aren’t around, the story just isn’t stimulating enough, as character’s are introduced but with little time to get to know them.

Spielberg’s insistence on dumbing down and allowing everyone to speak in English is another frustration. There isn’t even a great deal of dialogue to be had, if truth be told, so why he refuses to use subtitles is lazy and farcical. The script – Richard Curtis one of the guilty parties – is filled with cheap unnecessary small talk to reveal backstory quickly, and apart from a surprise cavalry charge from the Brits there’s surprisingly little threat on offer.  There are some good moments, including a slightly silly scene on no man’s land when Joey is trapped in barbed wire, a rare highlight, but with a plodding midsection as Joey shifts from character to character, you’ll be glad when Albert stumbles back onto the scene.

A disappointment then? Well, it's more fun than most blockbusters, and Spielberg’s War Horse does offer lush imagery and a stirring score (no surprises there), and despite all of its problems it will still have you reaching for the handkerchief on more than one occasion. Not the epic I was hoping for, but perfect for a rainy Sunday afternoon with the niece and nephew. Just be prepared for the, "Can I have a horse?" conversation afterwards. Good job Uggie has retired because Joey tramples all over him (he doesn’t, just in case you were worried). DW

JANUARY BLUES: FILMS FROM 2011 YOU MAY HAVE MISSED

January is without a doubt the most depressing month of the year. The weather sucks, Christmas has been and gone, and New Year’s resolutions have long been forgotten. It might seem a little late for another 2011 list (we’re supposed to be looking ahead not back) but the last twelve months have provided us with some truly remarkable films, and this list is dedicated to the hidden gems you may have missed out on. For some reason I went with twelve, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but it also means I had to emit some notable exceptions.

This list focuses on lesser known movies which means the exquisite Troll Hunter is out, but I’d also like to mention Faye Jackson’s quirky Romanian vampire movie Stigroi, Dick Mass’ festive slasher Sint, and Karl Golden’s tragic drama Pelican Blood - not the only film I’ll be mentioning with a bird watching theme. Last but not least (that’s debatable), best film title of the year went to Stonehenge Apocalypse, Paul Ziller’s cataclysmic ‘action thriller’. Could it be so bad its good? Why not check it out for yourself and let me know. Anyhoo, here are the twelve ‘lesser’ movies that really made an impact on me last year, be sure to check them out in 2012.

12/ The Silent House

What sets The Silent House apart from its rivals is the fact that it was filmed in one continuous shot, which gives you 78 minutes of unadulterated terror, filmed in real time. It’s been billed as the first ever single-take horror film, which is all well and good if you’re talking about technical achievements (an achievement that remains under dispute by the way), but The Silent House should be judged on one thing and one thing alone. Does it scare the bejesus out of you? Things sure start slow, but a gentle drip feed of dread should keep your cushion occupied throughout. It’s not perfect, but any qualms over inconsistencies are soon forgotten as the exemplary execution and efficient scares kick in. The Silent House emerges as a horror movie worth shouting about, so catch it now before the Hollywood remake darkens our door.

11/ Wake Wood

After the critical and commercial success of horror remake Let Me In, Hammer Films would appear to be making a welcome comeback, especially if you take into account the quality of David Keating’s latest oddity - call it a resurrection if you will. Two spectacular lead turns help, as does a solid script that manipulates at just the right moments. What the film lacks in originality it makes up for in menace, and dare I say it, moving sentiment. It’s unusual for a horror movie to be so affecting, in this regard Hammer’s latest shares a lot in common with its vampire sibling. Wake Wood fails to break new ground then, but David Keating’s horror debut is a memorable movie in its own right, and a killer ending seals the coffin on a delectably deadly night in.

10/ Ink

Ink’s birth was anything but typical. None of the big studios picked up the film for theatrical and home distribution in the US, so Double Edge Films pitched the movie directly to independent cinemas, DVD, shiny Blu and online distribution by themselves. It was a move that worked, with Ink becoming one of the most downloaded movies on file sharing torrent sites and exposing itself to a much larger audience. It tells a tale that everybody can relate to, even if you do have to overlook the more fantastical forays from time to time – we are still in the realm of science fiction after all. If you can overlook the limitations you’re in for a spellbinding journey that demands to be seen time and time again. It’s not always an easy watch, but at the end of the day, the world of Ink comes together like the words on a page. Ambitious, dreamlike and never less than compulsive, Ink writes its name at the very top of Independent filmmaking. Never heard of the film? You have now.

09/ The Hide

An absorbing thriller set against the backdrop of the Suffolk countryside, not exactly words we’re used to hearing but there you have it. How about the words ‘bird watching’ and ‘sociable plover’ combined with the phrases ‘must see movie’ and ‘macabre gem’? Thought not. Marek Losey has an uphill battle on his hands with The Hide, and even though success seems more unlikely than the sighting of that elusive bird, the movie itself remains a riveting drama that deserves your full attention. The tension that builds is undeniable, and the macabre humour that swims beneath the surface is expertly sold. A two-man character piece set inside a Suffolk bird hide might not sound like the most thrilling of propositions, but looks can be deceiving. With strong performances and tension you can chew on, Marek Losey’s The Hide shouldn’t stay hidden for long.

08/ 5150 Elms Way

A French language Canadian horror movie set at the end of a quiet street in a small town - a street that just so happens to have the word ‘Elm’ in the title. Alarm bells should be ringing already for Yannick (Marc-André Grondin), an intelligent teenager who stumbles upon the Beaulieu residence after a biking accident. Jacques (Normand D’Amour) insists that Yannick has knocked at the wrong house, but nothing can prepare him for the terror that waits behind door 5150. Slow burning, dark and disturbing, with a wickedly sinister final act, 5150 Elms Way deserves to find a wider audience on these shores. Horror movies rarely put character first, but Eric Tessier knows that true terror comes from within, and you’re sure to have problems forgetting Jacques Beaulieu as the final piece is placed. Checkmate indeed.

07/ Hobo with a Shotgun

“You can’t solve all the worlds problems with a shotgun.” Whether or not that is true, one thing’s for sure, this particular hobo is going to die trying - delivering justice one shell at a time. Rutger Hauer has long been deserving of a comeback, and a homeless vigilante with vengeance in mind could be just the ticket, we’ll call him Hobo for now. With its 80’s vibe and glamorised violence, there’s no mistaking Hauer’s resurrection for an award-winning masterpiece, even if his performance digs far deeper than you might expect. Eisener’s love of trashy, cult cinema flows from every frame though, with Hobo taking a lone idea and running wild with it, leaving a trail of death, destruction and headless corpses in its wake. “When life gives you razor blades, you make a baseball bat covered in razor blades.” That’s Hobo with a Shotgun to a tee - loud, proud and well-endowed - delivering anarchic entertainment one frame at a time.

06/ Red White & Blue

Don’t expect a happy ever after on this one. Despite being blessed with a convoluted role, Amanda Fuller brings heart and compassion to an unworthy character. Erica is a pitiless soul, with few redeeming qualities and very little self-respect, but Fuller’s performance evokes sympathy all the same. It’s dangerous ground we walk on in Rumley’s world, one that’s sure to divide audiences the world over whilst providing plenty of uneasy talking points, but his remorseless direction should never be faulted. Red White & Blue is an unnerving, uncompromising revenge thriller that revels in a morally ambiguous tone, and a deeply disturbing finish that cuts loose with the (un)pleasantries to fulfil every slasher fans dream. Cruel, captivating and utterly compelling, Red White & Blue is a startling little thriller that wallows in shades of grey. Where nothing is black and white, and yet come the films sickening denouement, seems all too happy to bring on the red stuff.

05/ Stake Land

Hailed by some critics as "the American horror film of the year", the highly acclaimed Stake Land has a lot to live up to. Stake Land takes us on a bleak journey, think The Walking Dead with vampires, but the vampires that flood Stake Land feel fresh and invigorating. Michael Cerveris is way ahead of the chasing pack on this one, bringing genuine menace to the role of Jebedia Loven. Not only does Mickle handle the horror elements well, he also knows how to deliver an effective set piece, and there are plenty of standout moments to choose from. Having tested the water with rampaging zombie flick Mulberry Street, Mickle and Damici turn their attention to post-apocalyptic vampirism. It’s rare that you’ll find me clambering for a sequel, but it’s a bleak world we’re living in and Stake Land is one of the smartest horror movies to emerge in years. Not a lot of fun then, but a rare beast that comes with emotion, intelligence, action and heart.

04/ Rare Exports – A Christmas Tale

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale is a 2010 fantasy film directed by Jalmari Helander, which focuses on a small group of people that live near the Korvatunturi mountain. It’s here that they stumble upon an incredible treasure hidden deep beneath the surface, a discovery that might just reveal the secret of Santa Claus. The set up, the twists, the offbeat ending, they all come together perfectly. Onni Tommila is a fantastic young actor and Peeter Jakobi provides a terrifying performance from start to finish, both fleeting and ferocious, but one that should keep you from breaking out the festive cheer. He’s so good in fact; it’s easy to forgive the filmmakers for the ‘big reveal’ that never quite materialises. It’s slightly disappointing at first, but the final moments are in keeping with the overall tone and upon reflection, add a level of mystery that should bare fruit with repeat viewing. Dark and disturbing, original and heart warming, Rare Exports is an undiscovered gem waiting to be found. Not only is it one of the best films of the year, it’s one of the greatest Christmas tales ever told.

03/ Attack the Block

Attack the Block is the first stab at feature films by The Adam & Joe’s Show’s Joe Cornish, following small roles in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Being a comedy writer, you might expect his directorial debut to be a laugh riot from start to finish, chock full of witty one-liners and casual asides. Attack the Block takes a comical central premise - a gang of hoodies defend their neighbourhood against an alien invasion - but tones down the laughs in favour of exhilarating action and genuine thrills. The gorilla/wolf cross breads are a masterstroke, instantly memorable and genuinely unsettling. With luminous teeth and jet-black fur, they make their presence felt in every scene, despite a meagre budget that could’ve derailed the movie. Joe takes to action like a duck to water though, delivering a series of high paced chase sequences that never fail to impress. With a believable young cast, quotable dialogue, gripping action and tension you can chew on, Joe Cornish has delivered one of the best monster mashes of the last twenty years. Better believe it bruv, this movie is sick.

02/ The Woman

You can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. You can however - if writer-director Lucky McKee is to be believed - kidnap them, chain them up in your cellar and domesticate them. Quality time is given a whole new meaning when Chris takes home the ‘next family project’. The Woman is unconventional in a conventional way, favouring a final twist that has become synonymous with horror movies in general. Good job it’s a great one then, feeding off a truculent turn from Pollyanna McIntosh, with The Woman ending on a downbeat high note. In failing to add depth to an impressive cast of characters, McKee has perhaps missed a trick or two, but the story he weaves is a solid one. With little to no humanity between them, it’s fair to assume that things wont end well for most of the characters. So you’ll be pleased to learn that they don’t, and if it’s brutality and bloodshed for all the family you’re after, you’ve come to the right place. The Woman isn’t always an easy watch, but it’s a captivating one none the less, and the final scenes are almost breathtaking.

01/ Tucker & Dale Vs Evil

A group of college kids venture out into the woods for a camping vacation, only for one of them to get kidnapped by a pair of murderous hillbillies intent on killing everything in their path. So far so unoriginal. Unless of course, the hillbillies in question are Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine). Seriously gory and seriously funny, Tucker and Dale Vs Evil gets you right from its ingenious opening and never lets up. Labine is the star here, but his friendship with Tudyk is so engaging it's like watching Dumb and Dumber (1994) for the very first time. Word of the day – inventive, even after all the horror clichés are deliciously butchered, while single-handedly destroying the sub-genre it parodies (you'll never be able to watch Wrong Turn again, which is a blessing). This short and so very sweet offering from director Eli Craig certainly demands some kind of sequel, its not like Bill and Ted didn’t get away with it. Tucker & Dale Vs Evil was the biggest surprise of the year for me so make sure you check it out. AW

REVIEW: RED LIGHT REVOLUTION (DVD)

Film: Red Light Revolution
UK Release date: 13th February 2012
Certificate: 15
Director: Sam Voutas
Starring: Zhao Jun, Vivid Wang, Jiang Xiduo, Masanobu Otsuka
Running time: 91 mins
Genre: Comedy
Country: China
Subtitles: English
Reviewer: Adam Wing

Lets start with some interesting facts, shall we? In 1996 there was only one sex shop in Beijing, by 2010 there were over 2000. 70% of the world’s sex toys are made in China and 1.3 trillion condoms are made there every year. Here’s the fun part though, so I hope you’ve been paying attention. How many films have been made about Beijing sex shops? That’s right folks, just the one. Welcome to Red Light Revolution, a new film by Sam Voutas. With the movie failing to secure a release date in China, the U.K is officially the first territory in the world to see it. Which might seem a little strange, as Voutas himself has stated, “In my neighbourhood alone, there are three adult stores within a block of me. Business, it seems, is booming.” In the real world perhaps, but not on the big screen.

When Shunzi (Zhao Jun) loses his job as a cab driver, he finds himself without a wife and home. His spouse - a money loving cheat - has found herself another man and Shunzi’s life couldn’t possibly get any worse, or could it? With no savings to fall back on he is forced to move in with his parents, taking a humiliating job in a supermarket to make ends meet. You know you’re not living the dream when the job advert reads ‘fat man required’. Still, at least he makes a new friend, and his quirky colleague (Vivid Wang) might be able to help him set up his new venture. With nowhere else to go, Shunzi steps behind China’s ‘red curtain’ and secretly opens a sex shop. Not that he’ll be telling his parents anytime soon, as far as their concerned he’s selling ‘modern lifestyle goods’.

The only problem is, the shops supplier is a local gangster who will break his legs if he doesn’t cough up the cash each week. Throw in a local neighbourhood watch representative and Shunzi faces the threat of losing everything. Which begs the question, where’s the community spirit when you need it? Red Light Revolution is the second feature by Sam Voutas and was nominated for Best Unproduced Screenplay at the 2008 Australian Inside Film Awards (Sam himself was born in Australia). Featuring a cast of rising Asian actors, including Zhao Jun, Vivid Wang, Jiang Xiduo and Masanobu Otsuka, Red Light Revolution opens its door to U.K. shores courtesy of Terracotta Distribution.

So what is China missing out on then? The answer to that is straightforward enough, a hit and miss comedy that gets by on charm alone. Red Light Revolution sure has its moments - a handful of jokes really hit the mark - but it doesn’t make the most of its fruitful subject matter. If you’re going to make a film about sex shops, and you already know that your chances of securing local release are limited, you may as well go out with a bang. Red Light Revolution plays it way too safe, refusing to take chances with its taboo subject matter. There are a handful of satirical swipes littered throughout, but for the most part Red Light Revolution comes on like an extended episode of your favourite Sunday evening sitcom. It’s lightweight, occasionally breezy, but not quite tough enough.

The storyline lacks punch, relying far too heavily on offbeat characters that don’t advance the plot. They’re entertaining on a superficial level but dig a little deeper and there’s nothing but layers of cinematic dust. Jun and Wang hold the film together through stormy seas though, and its their growing friendship that provides the film with heart and charm - Wang possesses wonderful comic timing and Jun gets the balance just right between pitiful and pitiless. Despite a flimsy premise and lightweight plotting, Red Light Revolution never feels like a chore. Voutas may have referenced ‘The Full Monty’ in terms of economic backdrop, but he can’t match the film for laughs. His latest movie deserves credit for upsetting the Chinese Film Board but like me, if they actually sat down to watch the film they’d probably wonder what all the fuss was about. Is now a good time to remind them that there are over 10000 sex toy companies in China alone? Why ban the first film that dares to talk about it?

Occasionally funny and occasionally smart, but occasionally doesn’t quite cut it. Red Light Revolution is worth slowing down for, but chances are, you won’t find the love of your life unless you get out more.

CLASSIC: MELANCHOLIA (2011)

Earth is evil. Nobody will miss it. So what would you do if a new planet, hiding behind the sun, appeared in the sky, heading straight for our planet to perform the dance of death? Enjoy a glass of the finest wine on the porch, perhaps? Maybe even a family singsong? You might want to catch up with the Eastenders omnibus. Then again, you could just build a cave from the branches, close your eyes and hope it's not too windy. There's only one man who can answer this question, and it isn't Roland Emmerich.

Justine (Kirsten Dunst), suffering from depression, and Michael (Alexander Skarsgard), trying to cope with her suffering, are celebrating their marriage at a sumptuous party in the home of her sister, Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg), and brother-in-law, John (Kiefer Sutherland).

Justine doesn't want to party, though. The planet, Melancholia, is heading towards Earth and she knows it will destroy everything. Meanwhile, Claire is struggling to maintain composure with fear of the impending disaster, praying her husband is right and it won't happen.

Will Justine continue to alienate everyone, never returning to a world that has sucked all life from her? Or will Melancholia get to them first and gobble up the atmosphere, destroying our planet and putting them all out of their misery?

(To read the full review click on either image)

ONE TO WATCH: FINAL DESTINATION 5 (DVD)

"How many movie sagas (it is a saga) get to part five and still require immediate attention? Friday the 13^th, Scary Movie, Police Academy, A Nightmare on Elm Street, even Rocky lost the fight in round five. We’ll ignore The Fast and the Furious for now, parts two through four were shit. And don’t get me started on Star Wars. The Empire Strikes Back was part two - Attack of the Clones was part ’toon.

Final Destination reinvented a stagnant horror genre with its tongue planted firmly in cheek, and it did it so well, nobody seemed to mind when they repeated the formula three times over. Let’s just set the record straight though. Part one was great. Part two had the best opening of the series. Part three had the most imaginative death scenes and part four sucked. We wont go into that. Everything rests on part five - the final chapter. Unless it makes a shit load of money of course.

Death stalks a group of co-workers who avoid a grisly demise in a massive suspension bridge collapse after one of them, wait for it, experiences a terrifying premonition - shocking I know. Tony Todd returns in the fifth instalment of the Final Destination series alongside Nicholas D’Agosto (a future in rom-coms awaits), Miles Fisher (Tom Cruise with facial hair), P.J. Byrne (comic relief guy), and Jacqueline MacInnes Wood (so much hotter in glasses).

The first thing you’ll notice is just how unattractive the cast members are. No wait a minute, the first thing you’ll notice is just how much Miles Fisher looks and acts like Tom Cruise… without the Scientology rubbish. D’Agosto lacks the charm of leading man material, but he’s tall, and he does kind of grow on you as the film goes on. Why am I spending so much time on the cast members? Lets get to the important stuff.

Final Destination 5 comes with a blistering opening sequence that more than makes up for part four’s over reliance on 3D. It’s funnier too, with wittier dialogue and hilarious shock tactics littered throughout. The F.D. series works best when it prolongs the torment, and Steve Quale makes the most of every drawn out set piece. 

The gymnastic routine is a standout, but anyone considering laser eye surgery should also cast a cautionary glance. The ‘kill to survive’ theme is a nice touch but could’ve been used better, and the final twist is actually rather sweet but again, the filmmakers don’t quite exploit it to its full potential. However, criticising a Final Destination movie for being too easy is like sleighing a prostitute for being, well…

If only they hadn’t put a five in the title, I could’ve ignored the existence of part four altogether. Final destination 5 wont change the world - it barely shakes up the franchise - but  it more than makes up for the film that precedes it. If part four provided proof that the formula was fallible, part five goes someway to suggesting it was only a blip. I mean really, I could watch these movies all night." AW

REVIEW: WU XIA (REGION 3 DVD)

Film: Wu Xia
UK Release date: Tbc
Year: 2011
Director: Peter Chan
Starring: Donnie Yen, Kara Hui, Wu Jiang, Takeshi Kaneshiro
Running time: 114 mins
Genre: Martial Arts/Action/Drama
Country: China
Subtitles: English
Reviewer: Adam Wing

The greatest action star in the world is back, so lets answer the most important question first. Somewhat surprisingly, he doesn’t take his shirt off once. Unbelievable I know. Donnie Yen is back in business and doing what he does best, kicking the crap out of anyone that gets in his way, and he’s doing it fully clothed. Don’t expect another stereotypical action movie though, because there’s more to Wu Xia than meets the eye. In addition to choreographing the action, Donnie stars as a mild mannered paper maker who wouldn’t say boo to goose. Unless the goose tried to pick a fight of course, then all bets are off. There’s a joke about the goose and a need for speed there somewhere but we’ll let it go for now.

Donnie’s biggest threat comes from Kaneshiro Takeshi as an eccentric detective who doesn’t believe a single word Donnie is telling him. If that’s not enough for you, director Peter Chan (The Warlords) also casts Shaw Brothers legends Jimmy Wang Yu (The One-Armed Swordsman) and Kara Hui (My Young Auntie) in pivotal fighting roles. Chan’s latest comes on like an episode of CSI first, Ip Man second. It’s a curious concoction for sure, but in choosing a less than linear path Chan has made a far more interesting movie. A hit with fans and critics alike, not only was Wu Xia the only Chinese-language film to play at the 2011 Cannes Film Festival; it’s also the freshest action movie to arrive in years. 

Paper maker Liu Jinxi (Donnie Yen) lives in a quiet village with his wife Yu (Tang Wei) and two sons. One day, Liu is caught up in a robbery at the local store and by sheer luck, manages to kill the two criminals committing the crime. Detective Xu Baijiu (Kaneshiro Takeshi) is a little less hasty to draw conclusions however, and after thorough analyses of the crime scene comes up with his own elaborate theory. Through Xu Baijiu’s eyes, Jinxi is in fact a brutal killer and a high-ranking member of the 72 Demons Gang. When word of Jinxi's encounter gets out, the gang’s leader (Jimmy Wang Yu) and his wife (Kara Hui) set out to make amends by any means necessary. Jinxi’s past comes back to haunt him in spectacular bone-crunching style and Yen provides his greatest performance to date.

Wu Xia is so much more than an action film; in fact there are only three fight scenes to choose from in the entire movie. Most of the first act is spent dissecting the initial encounter, with a CSI style investigation that utilises CGI technology to explain the finer details of Jinxi’s showdown. If it’s a typical Donnie Yen action extravaganza you’re after, chances are you’re coming away disappointed. Character development takes precedence over bombastic action, with Chan keen to build on the mystery surrounding Jinxi’s past. The first fight scene is played out from two different perspectives and the special effects are put to great use, but it’s not until the end of the first act that Donnie truly finds his dancing feet.

Donnie’s performance is perhaps the films greatest achievement though. Not exactly known for restraint (Ip Man was an improvement), he really does reign in it with a surprisingly subtle performance as the (whisper it quietly) slightly ‘simple’ paper maker. Rather annoyingly, he looks younger here than he has in years. I’m starting to think Donnie might not be entirely human. Not only is he living his life backwards (action stars don’t usually leave it this late in life to hit the big time), but he’s also taking the shape of a pumped up Peter Pan - with less spandex of course. The relationship he forms with Xu Baijiu is given plenty of room to breathe and as a result, Jinxi is quite possibly his most rounded character. It’s refreshing to witness a martial arts movie that doesn’t build its plot around the action sequences. Wu Xia puts character and drama first, before unleashing the kind of thrills and spills we have come to expect from the shirtless wonder.

The plot is nothing new but the delivery feels fresh and exciting. Chan encases old school styling in modern technical flourishes that amplify the story rather than drown it out. The action scenes, when they do occur, are as audacious and exciting as you can imagine, and the CGI enhances the spectacle rather than detracts from it. Donnie can do action movies with one arm tied behind his back, which makes the final face off all the more appealing. It’s great to see him flexing his acting muscles for a change too, even if we do only ever really tune in for one thing, and when the action does kick in it doesn’t disappoint.

Wu Xia might look like a typical martial arts movie on paper, but with Chan at the helm it’s so much more than that. As for Yen, his latest might not be as commercial as what we’re used to, but if you’re looking for a movie that breathes new life into the action genre, Wu Xia will prove hard to beat.

REVIEW: THE BURMA CONSPIRACY (DVD)

Another day, another comic book adaptation. Only this time our superhero doesn't have any special powers. Instead, he makes use of his intellect and wealth in his continuous battle for humanitarianism. Sounds rubbish, doesn't it? But Largo Winch is a Belgian comic book series by Phillipe Francq and Jean Van Hamme, which received its first cinematic outing in 2008. The Burma Conspiracy is the no-expense-spared follow-up. So much so, someone decided to splash the cash and invite Sharon Stone along for the party. Bruce Wayne has left the building. 

When the occupants of a Burmese village are massacred, the incident is linked to a billionaire playboy and international man of action (Largo Winch) and his deceased father's multi-national corporation.

Determined to clear his name and hunt down the real culprits, Largo (Tomer Sisley) journeys into the hazardous terrain of the Burmese jungle in search of the truth, and to rescue a female villager names Malunai (Nirut Sirichanya), who he fell in love with years earlier. 

Armed and loaded (with money, not bullets), Largo attempts to find out who really bankrolled the massacre, thus enabling him to sell off his entire company and transfer the proceeds to his own charitable foundation...

(To read the full review click on either image)

ONE TO WATCH: WATER FOR ELEPHANTS (DVD)

“If only the circus was really this magical, rather than a cruel place in which bears, elephants, tigers, and other animals voluntarily ride bicycles, stand on their heads, balance on balls and jump through rings of fire because trainers use whips, tight collars, muzzles, electric prods, bullhooks and other painful tools of the trade.

Water for Elephants refuses to hide behind such shameful magic, telling the story of a handsome veterinary student called Jacob (Robert Pattinson) who falls for Marlena (Reese Witherspoon), a married circus performer, in this romantic drama adapted from author Sara Gruen's bestselling novel, and directed by Francis Lawrence (I Am Legend).

When Jacob meets Marlena it really is love at first sight, and who can blame the fella - their shared affections for extraordinary elephant Rosie stirring profound feelings of compassion within both of them. Forget Uggie, who also appears here as, you’ve guessed it, a performing dog, and forget the rest of the impressive cast because it’s the largest living land mammal that steals the show (and all the booze).

The trouble is, Marlena's dangerously domineering husband August (Christoph Waltz) threatens to spell tragedy for all involved, and not just because he has a silly name. Director Francis Lawrence gets the look and feel exactly right, and the combination of fairy tale fancifulness played out in such savage surroundings offers a brutal reality check not seen since Titanic. Of course, love will probably conquer all, and we all know who will deal the final crowd-pleasing blow, but if the film wants to prove that a man's greed is like a lion that wants to swallow an elephant, at least this one has the teeth to do it.”  DW

ONE TO WATCH: BREAKING BAD SEASON THREE (DVD)

If you didn’t already think Breaking Bad was the best drama on television, watching Season Three of this breath-taking programme will guarantee that from this moment on you do. Winner of two 2010 Emmy Awards – Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama series and Outstanding Supporting Actor – the complete third season (only available on Region One for Christ’s sake) finds Walter (Bryan Cranston) abandoned by his wife, feuding with his reckless business partner Jesse (Aaron Paul) and hunted by a Mexican cartel.

With one of the tightest scripts, striking visuals and fantastic performances, Breaking Bad gets better with age. The series benefits in its employ of a less recognisable cast (with the exception of a few notable cameos), but all the strong characters get plenty of screen-time to flex their muscles, and the countless twists are handled well, leaving nobody safe from a bullet to the head. In fact, the third season feels as though it has more turning points than the first two combined, meaning you’ll fly through the thirteen episodes containing barely a dull moment.

Stand out episodes include ‘I.F.T’ - the one with Walt refusing to move out, so Skyler makes a shocking choice, hoping to drive him away. ‘One Minute’ - in which Walt and Jesse are at their breaking point over Hank, while the homicidal Cartel assassins turn their attentions to a new target. The utterly bizarre ‘Fly’ – which sees the lab grinding to a halt when Walt becomes obsessed with contamination, and ‘Half Measures’ – when Jesse decides to avenge his friend’s murder.  Having said that, there is no weak episode this time round, and the cliff-hanger finale whets the appetite for Season Four - unmissable. DW

TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE: MOTHER'S DAY (DVD)

From the director who helmed some of the Saw franchise (the rubbish ones), Darren Lynn Bousman takes to the director’s chair for this loose remake of the 1980 Troma B-film classic Mother’s Day; taking our protagonists out of the woods and into the suburbs, where a demented mother (Rebecca De Mornay) and her ‘children’ terrorise a group of friends having a house party.

He said: It’s a familiar set up to say the least (The Strangers meets Funny Games); the Halloween inspired theme does nothing to spark the flames of freshness but there’s fun to be had once the gift wrap comes off.

She said: A highly polished little shocker with plenty of fun to be had, audiences will be familiar with the formula but will no doubt enjoy the ride anyway.

He said: Too many characters have nothing to do and too many themes are left unexplored, but a strong cast is on hand to keep things on track. Patrick Flueger is excellent as conflicted son Ike; Warren Kole hams it up as nut job Addley and Shawn Ashmore (X-Men, Frozen) should’ve been the lead character in the first place.

She said: Feisty Briana Evigan and a formidable Shawn Ashmore offer two noteworthy performances, while bad boy Patrick Flueger is matched pound for pound by his screen mum, Rebecca De Mornay. Warren Kole, playing Addley, is a frustrating villain, but at least you can’t wait for his comeuppance, something that shouldn’t be said for the supposed victims, including Jaime King and Frank Grillo who both lack any kind of empathy whatsoever and deserve to be butchered.

He said: Jaime King and Frank Grillo remain on the side-lines throughout. This should’ve been Rebecca De Mornay’s movie - and she does rock the cradle with both hands - but Briana Evigan (Sorority Row) burns brightest as Annette Langstone, nailing her role in every sense of the word.

She said: I’ve always wanted to be nailed by Briana Evigan.

He said: True Blood’s Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) has the most intriguing story arc though, bringing her vulnerable firecracker shtick to the table and running away with the movie.

She said: Which one is she again? Oh, the pasty redhead. Yeah, she’s okay, but I wasn’t convinced by her sub-plot. She seemed like quite a strong character really, and I found it difficult to believe she could be such a gullible little girl.

He said: It’s a shame that nothing really happens in the first hour.

She said: There’s that ridiculous moment when King and Flueger go to a cashpoint - seasoned horror buffs will struggle to suspend disbelief. And what about the hair-raising wig scene? Even with his hair-piece intact, how did he pull Evigan? Speaking of which, you forgot about her dance with the pool cue.

He said: One character in particular has ‘dispensable’ written all over her nightdress despite a welcome revelation late in the day that never truly resonates. That’s the biggest problem with Mother’s Day - characterisation is slight and you’ll probably find yourself rooting for your favourite characters from other films.

She said: Evigan. Ashmore.

He said: Things do improve in the final act. Bousman brings on the much-needed carnage and Mother’s Day ends on a deliriously decadent high note. There are a number of wrong turns taken throughout but Bousman’s macabre tale gets enough right to stop it from straying too far off course. Drawn out though it is, Bousman’s Mother’s Day is definitely worth a look.

She said: Never less than engaging, Mother’s Day is better than most and will be more appreciated by newbies to the genre, while the old maestros will find something to enjoy, but it won’t blow them away. Evigan looks great in black underwear though.

ONE TO WATCH: CELL 211 (DVD)

In this award-winning thriller (eight Goya Awards), new prison officer Juan (Alberto Ammann) has a desperate battle for survival when he’s mistakenly trapped in a prison as a riot unfolds. As Juan takes a tour of the prison grounds, he is injured in a freak accident and left to recover in a vacant cell. Once all hell breaks loose his only way out is by pretending to be a prisoner, but first he’ll have to successfully befriend a violent inmate called Malamadre (Luis Tosar) who is leading the rebellion. With riots kicking off in and outside the prison, Juan’s pregnant wife Elena (Marta Etura) gets caught up in the mayhem, and Cell 211 erupts into an orgy of violence, mistrust, betrayal and vengeance.

In some ways this is by the book cinema, no wonder a Hollywood remake is already in production. A series of unlikely events unfold in order to create layers of tension and adrenaline pumping action, resulting in one of the most gripping thrillers of the year. There’s a little bit of Spanish politics thrown in for good measure, but it’s the characters and performances that will keep you hooked.

Tosar (as shaven headed top dog Malamadre) is breathtakingly real as the prisons big bad. His relationship with Juan is the films true anchor, and the growing respect they share for each other separates Cell 211 from the chasing pack. Even the supporting players make an impact, token characters in a film of this nature, but thanks to the filmmaking talent on both sides of the camera they too make a lasting impression.

With tension you can chew on, great drama, edgy performances and sublime twists, Cell 211 is the toughest Spanish thriller you’ll see all year. Credit to Daniel Monzon for delivering an action packed thriller with brains and heart, soon to be dumbed down by Hollywood, so catch it now before Cruise and Willis take the lead roles in a high-concept buddy movie (probably). AW

REVIEW: GANTZ - PERFECT ANSWER (DVD)

Film: Gantz 2 - Perfect Answer

UK Release date: 6th February 2012

Certificate: 15

Director: Shinsuke Sato

Starring: Kazumari Nimomiya, Kenichi Matsuyama, Ayumi Ito, Takayuki Yamada

Running time: 120 mins

Genre: Action

Country: Japan

Subtitles: English

Reviewer: Adam Wing

For those of you that don’t know, let’s cast our minds back to how it all began. In a nutshell - big black balls. Gantz and its sequel Gantz: Perfect Answer are based on a hit manga series created by Hiroya Oku. Directed by Shinsuke Sato, Gantz stars leading Japanese actors Kazunari Ninomiya (Letters from Iwo Jima) and Kenichi Matsuyama (Death Note, Detroit Metal City). After an accident on a train platform, recently deceased childhood friends Kei and Kato find themselves transported to an empty apartment populated by several confused strangers and a mysterious black ball known as Gantz.

The big black ball issues them a set of strange suits, instructing them to exterminate "dangerous aliens" from Earth in a series of bloodthirsty games. They are given high-tech weaponry, and the opportunity to collect points depending on how many aliens they kill. Once they reach 100 they are awarded the opportunity to either leave the game, or resurrect one of their fallen comrades. Part one is a well-crafted sci-fi action adventure with great special effects, ingenious plotting and ‘fine’ support from Natsuna Watanabe. Gorier than you might expect, and overloaded with electrifying action, the opening instalment is a frantic sci-fi adventure that leaves a lot of questions unanswered, like for example, how the hell did Natsuna get in that suit?

In GPA, Ninomiya and Matsuyama return to take on the alien inhabitants, joined this time by Ayumi Ito (Bandage) and Takayuki Yamada (Crows Zero). If you’re a fan of the original comic series you might want to look away now, because GPA comes with an alternate ending that might upset the masses. Lets face it though; when you’re translating a successful manga series to film you’re never going to please everyone. GPA begins several months after the original movie, with Kurono close to reaching the score he needs to resurrect his friend. He has a new girlfriend called Tae (Yuriko Yoshitaka). Kind of anyway, they haven’t actually been on a date yet. Meanwhile, young pop star Eriko (Ayumi Ito) is carrying out assassinations on behalf of Gantz, and cop Shigeta (Takayuki Yamada) is hot on the trail of all involved.

Lets make it clear from the start, if you’re looking for definitive answers you’re bang out of luck. By the time the credits role, we still don’t really know what Gantz is, who the person inside Gantz is, why they’re battling the aliens in the first place and where I can buy my girlfriend a copy of ‘that’ outfit. We’re given hints and pointed in the right direction but that’s about it, there are new questions raised of course, but perfect answers are hard to come by. As it turns out, it’s a shame the filmmakers felt the urge to wrap things up with this second feature because there’s plenty of room for further instalments.

With the focus on action lessened, GPA instead attempts to expand the universe created in the original movie. Characters are given more depth and intriguing new storylines are introduced with positive results. For the most part it works brilliantly. Eriko’s adventures are a wonderful addition to the series, the effects are fantastic, performances are relatively strong and relationships possess greater emotional punch. There’s a growing sense of fear and paranoia in the opening exchanges too, with Gantz pushing all the right buttons in all the right places. The original movie was overloaded with action sequences, as the Gantz team took on all manner of crazy alien life forms. With GPA the otherworldly beings take on human form, providing us with the most satisfying set piece of the entire series. Taking place on a subway train, and populated by hordes of ‘human casualties’, Sato serves up one of the most electrifying action scenes of the year. It’s a feast for the eyes, overflowing with high-tech weaponry, dazzling martial arts action and mighty explosions, the downside being that we never quite hit these dizzy heights again.

GPA loses its way in the final hour, failing to answer several key questions and stumbling towards a confusing, lacklustre finale. Whether or not the filmmakers are planning to turn the series into a trilogy remains to be seen, but GPA gets lost beneath a wave of needless exposition and sentimentality. Having said that, it’s nice to see some (one) familiar face(s) re-emerge as the final curtain falls, and even though it fails to satisfy on every level, GPA gets so much right it’s hard not to love it a little.

With a great concept, immense action and fascinating story-arcs, Gantz: Perfect Answer remains essential viewing for Japanese sci-fi fans. If that’s not encouragement enough for you, did I forget to mention how great Natsuna Watanabe looks in her outfit?

Big black balls are in this year then; guess ThAt’s the way tHe coOkie crumBles.