REVIEW: 1612 (DVD)

Film: 1612
UK Release date: Out now
Certificate: 18
Running time: 139 mins
Director: Vladimir Khotinenko
Starring: Pyotr Kislov, Artur Smolyaninov, Michal Zebrowski, Violetta Davydovskaya, Aleksandr
Baluev
Genre: Historical/Action/War
Format: DVD
Country: Russia
Reviewer: Daryl Wing

Excelling in historical films and large battle scenes, Vladimir Khotinenko won the Golden Eagle (an accolade by the Russian National Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences of Russia to recognize excellence of professionals in the film industry) for 72 Metres in 2004. Three years later he directed 1612, released finally in the United Kingdom, using all his skills to create an epic that dissects the bloodstained battles between the Russians and the Polish during what was known as ‘the time of troubles’…

During the late 16^th century the czar of Russia has died and a power vacuum has developed. There are many impostors who dare to claim the right to rule but there's only one heir, the Czarina Kseniya Godunova.

She has married a Polish military leader who wants to claim the Russian throne in her name so he can rule all of Russia, and as the Poles move in on Moscow in an attempt to install the czarina on the throne, Andrei, a serf with a life-long infatuation of the czarina attempts to save her from her brutal Polish husband…

If you’re not immediately annoyed by the perplexing opening gambit, in which a lengthy, muddled history lesson is forced upon the viewer with questionable necessity, you’ll probably enjoy this tiring tale more than most. You could, of course, skip the first ten minutes, which basically concludes that Russia is a big country full of savages, and it’s in turmoil. Then somebody gets his tongue cut off and a half decent story emerges – for a while at least.

Ignoring the titillating scene in which a group of attractive ladies go skinny-dipping, watched by our protagonist Andrei in one of many flashbacks piecing together a story more interesting than the bewildering one in the present, 1612 is a mess of a movie, confusing throughout, skipping story in favour of action sequences, but at least offering a fine lesson in how to fire a cannon – again and again.

Fortunately, the film does offer rich, authentic-looking, and sometimes haunting settings with some truly striking visuals. One scene that really stands out is an early ambush by robbers, in which one of the thieves takes his crossbow and sinks beneath the rivers surface, waiting to strike. It’s a cracking moment, and one of the more original action sequences during a two-hour-plus crawl through plot wilderness. Viewers expecting anything volatile won’t be disappointed either. The action is brutal and bloody, ditching any political ramblings or slushy melodrama in favour of sensationalism.

Charting one man’s journey from downtrodden optimist to wannabe king of the throne, Khotinenko does at least manage to make his lead, Pyotr Kislov’s good-looking Andrei extremely likeable, as is his sidekick Kostka, played by Artur Smolyaninov; sadly, detached, unemotional performances from the rest of the cast, who seem equally confused by what’s actually happening, puncture a story already hindered by the bizarre and unusual sideshow involving a unicorn and a white-haired Gandalf-wannabe who likes to read books. Then there’s the villainous ghost that appears every now and again when our protagonist needs a little helping hand – this is either a load of old tosh or clearly some of us weren’t paying attention in history lessons.

It may be slick at times, nicely shot, and boast a powerful score, not to mention a briefly engaging midway point packing in a hell of a lot of action that manages to generate thrills, but you’ll certainly soon lose interest in what’s happening plot-wise - the strangely complicated story wrapped around mysticism and legend thankfully climaxes in a bloody battle between the Poles and the Russians but for the most part there’s little else going on. 1612 is just another example of the auteur’s impressive skills to showcase frenetic action. Of course, it won’t be a massive surprise if you fail to reach the good stuff because for the most part your hand will be hovering over the skip function on your remote control.

The only way to enjoy this film is to distance yourself from the utter ridiculousness and find something interesting to do during those scenes not saved by butchery. This is obviously what Vladimir Khotinenko did. He’s not too attentive to detail – there are plenty of continuity errors for those who adore to point out such things – and the finale, with its poor editing, cuts the more juicy stuff out, skipping several years without guilt, reveling in a lengthy conclusion that isn’t half as thrilling as what happened thirty minutes earlier. In just under two and a half hours there’s a body count as large as the numbers of Polish and Russians now living and working in the UK, but it just isn’t enough. And you still won’t have a clue about the unicorn.

Grow a beard, put on a cassock and wear a heavy cross. Maybe the Russian people will be listening to you, but it's doubtful that even they can explain away a plot that lacks continuity; a film edited poorly while basking in bloody action sequences to compensate for its tiring, skip-to-the-end running time - and don't even mention the horse with a cornetto on its head. 

REVIEW: THE LOST BLADESMAN (DVD)

Film: The Lost Bladesman
UK Release date: 8th August 2011
Certificate: 12
Director: Felix Chong & Alan Mak
Starring: Donnie Yen, Andy On, Wen Jiang, Betty Sun, Siu-hou Chin
Genre: Martial arts/Fantasy/Action/Mystery
Running time: Tbc
Languages: Mandarin
Reviewer: Adam Wing

It’s that time of the month again; the hardest working action hero in Hong Kong is back in business, doing what he does best in the name of entertainment. Infernal Affairs writer-directors Alan Mak and Felix Chong stand in the shadows, hoping to bring Romance of the Three Kingdoms back to life with their latest assault on the senses, The Lost Bladesman. Donnie Yen serves as both action director and star, boasting solid support from the likes of Betty Sun, Andy On, Nie Yuan and the screen-munching Jiang Wen.

Guan Yu (Donnie Yen) is a historic figure known for unparalleled bravery, supreme honour and unwavering loyalty. That would be Donnie Yen then, complete with chin stroking pointy beard and toughness aplenty. In the final years of the Eastern Han dynasty, the Prime Minister Cao Cao (Jiang Wen) is so powerful even the young Emperor (Wang Bo Chieh) looks up to him. When the Emperor's uncle and future Shu king Liu Bei (Alex Fong) is defeated in battle by Cao's forces, sworn brother Guan Yu is left to protect his family held captive by Cao. Guan - ever loyal to Liu - resists Cao's request to join the cause, but Cao was never one to give up so easily, not when there’s a war to be won.

The shirtless wonder keeps his armour intact on this one, and we have to wait a good forty minutes before he dispenses with the stupid facial hair and resorts to meaningful posturing. The problem with every new Donnie Yen movie is this - when the world of action cinema is at one man’s mercy - it’s very hard to go in without high expectations. The Lost Bladesman takes an eternity to find its feet, bogged down by waves of meandering dialogue and exposition. Familiar themes of loyalty, betrayal and plucky heroism are present and correct, but when they’re delivered in a manner so unashamedly underwhelming, it’s hard to believe that Guan Yu is the only person stroking his chin in bemusement.

Yen’s performance is subdued to say the least, hampered by cut-out character traits offering little beyond obligatory heroism and righteousness. The Ip Man series suggests that Donnie can do more than just beat people up, serving up a restrained performance that shows signs of talent beyond epic displays of kick ass-ery. Don’t get me wrong, acting accolades are still a long way off and I doubt we’ll ever see him convince as the male lead in a rom-com, but there are definite signs of emotional range and depth. The Lost Bladesman is a step back in terms of acting credentials, but we’ll put that down to weak scripting and muddled sensibilities. He still kicks ass of the highest order, but Alan Mak and Felix Chong will test your patience long before that.

Every cloud has a silver lining though, and Jiang Wen’s scene-stealing turn as Cao Cao is the films much needed anchor. His charismatic performance provides the film with gravitas, at least until Donnie’s feet take centre stage, and in Cao we have the films one and only two-dimensional character. The first act is weighed down by too many characters, confusing structure and mind-bending exposition. The remainder of the film focuses on Cao’s admiration of Guan, with time put aside for romantic subplots and heartfelt sincerity. Neither of which convince, made worse by the fact that Betty Sun barely gets a look in as the object of Guan’s desire.

If there’s one thing you can rely on though, it’s Donnie’s ability to deliver action spectacle. When they do come, the fight sequences are almost worth the price of admission alone. More restrained than your typical Yen-fu perhaps - we can blame that on an over-ambitious tone - but Donnie brings much needed wonder to a film lacking in true conviction. The only misfire occurs when Mak and Chong get involved, stepping away from one potentially bruising battle sequence in order to infuse a sense of style. I appreciate the attempt to add artistic flair, but come on guys, do we really want to hear Donnie Yen kick ass from behind closed doors? A neat directorial flourish in another world maybe, but cut to the chase will you, this is a Donnie Yen picture. Let him do his thing, that’s why we booked the tickets in the first place.

The Lost Bladesman takes an eternity to find its feet, saved from the clutches of despair by a charismatic lead performance from Jiang Wen. Donnie looks bored for the most part, struggling to find depth in a one-dimensional character that has little impact beyond quick feet and pointy beard. The blame lies with lazy writing and poor execution, at least until the action kicks in. That’s when the real Donnie Yen makes his mark, and we all know what to expect from there.

THINGS I LEARNED THIS MONTH...

Movies worth watching: A devil that loves to wear Prada in The Devil's Rock; retribution can sometimes be fun in the I Spit On Your Grave remake; stupid hair but an entertaining spin with Drive Angry; an undiscovered slasher gem with Behind The Mask - The Rise Of Leslie Vernon; a sequel far more fun than the original with Wrong Turn 2; a love letter to Star Wars with the cameo-crammed Fanboys; mind-bending thrill-ride Limitless; packing a mighty punch is Gallants and honestly-I-filmed-it-all-in-one take creepfest The Silent House (worth watching for the scariest scene I've seen this year). 

Films to avoid: Moby Dick, Primal, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest, Growth, Evil Rising, Knockout, Essential Killing, Season Of The Witch and The Resident. 

Best Television: A long awaited return to Charming as Sons Of Anarchy Season Three finally makes it to the UK!

Biggest Disappointment: Discovering I won't be going to Frightfest after all. Next year I may just have to buy myself a ticket. 

REVIEW: LIMITLESS (DVD)

Film: Limitless
UK Release date: 1st August 2011
Year: 2011
Certificate: 15
Director: Neil Burger
Starring: Robert De Niro, Bradley Cooper, Abbie Cornish, Anna Friel, Johnny Whitworth
Running time: 100mins
Genre: Thriller
Reviewer: Adam Wing

What would you do if you were able to access the 80 per cent of the brain you never use? That’s the question posed by Neil Burger’s drug-infused thriller, a lightweight ride that occasionally touches on greatness. Bradley Cooper takes on lead duties, including a haircut even Nicholas Cage would be ashamed of. Joining him is acting legend Robert De Niro, Abbie Cornish and an unrecognisable turn from Anna Friel. Unrecognisable by the fact she’s so damn ugly. 

Bradley Cooper stars as Eddie Morra, a struggling writer whose girlfriend has left him, he’s suffering from a bad case of writers block and his creative prowess has followed her out the door. Fate lends a helping hand when an old friend slips him a pill, and all of a sudden life takes an unexpected upward turn. Eddie transforms from trashy loser to unrivalled genius, and it’s an overnight hit he can’t afford to miss. He has an answer for everything, learns entire languages in minutes, goes all ‘Raymond Babbitt’ at the poker table, and sleeps with pretty much every woman he lays eyes on. He also gets a haircut - my girlfriend will be pleased.

Eddie cruises to the top of the financial world, and draws the attention of business mogul Carl Van Loon (De Niro), who sees the enhanced version of Eddie as a tool to making billions. Unfortunately for Eddie, a return to reality could prove to be fatal. Haunted by blackouts, drug pushers and smack head ex-girlfriends, life takes a brutal turn as the side effects threaten to derail his meteoric rise to power. It’s a high concept thriller then - jacked up on jazzy visuals and inimitable flair - but just like the experimental drug it pushes, the unavoidable comedown threatens to dampen the good times had.

The problem with high concept thrillers is that at some point the filmmakers have to make good on their early promise. It’s a tough nut to crack because you’re never going to please everybody, and as is often the case, disappointment walks hand in hand with lofty ambitions. Limitless suffers from the genius of its construction, the first two acts open the doorway to a world of imagination and possibility, but the final act resorts to familiar themes and action thriller cliché. It’s a crushing blow from a certain standpoint, a sign that the filmmakers didn’t really know where to go, but that’s not to say it’s a waste of your time.

Bradley Cooper has long been deserving of a leading role, and the character of Eddie Morra suits him down to the ground. Slightly kooky, with a likeable screen presence and effortlessly charming, it’s only when he’s asked to play unhinged that he doesn’t truly convince. It’s great to see De Niro making ‘proper’ films again too, and his is a solid supporting turn with a sprinkling of stand out moments. The girls don’t really get a look in though, especially Anna Friel as Eddie’s dried up ex, which is a real shame because her story arc proves the most enticing. Abbie Cornish does as much as she can with a thankless task - as the long suffering on/off girlfriend - but it’s a role that leads nowhere fast.

Limitless is at its best when the characters are having fun, the opening party scenes are a blast and Neil Burger overloads the film with stylish camera angles and zippy montages. When it comes time to embrace the darker side of the force, Limitless loses its way, resorting to predictable turns and over familiar themes. Considering the quirky nature of the set up, you’ll probably wonder how screenwriter Leslie Dixon or novelist Alan Glynn didn’t come to the table with a stronger hand, but the outcome disappoints with its lack of surprise and intrigue.

A promising start for Cooper, Limitless crackles along at an electrifying pace, fast enough to forget the inconsistencies and just enjoy the ride. It might not stand up to repeat viewing, but it’s still a lot of fun, and Burger’s thriller shares a lot in common with the drug it pushes. At its peak, Limitless is one hell of a rush, but the inevitable comedown will leave you feeling empty inside, longing for the next quick fix.

REVIEW: THE SILENT HOUSE (BLU-RAY/R2 DVD)

Film: The Silent House

UK Release date: 1st August 2011

Certificate: 15

Running time: 86 mins

Director: Gustavo Hernandez

Starring: Florencia Colucci, Abel Tripaldi, Gustavo Alonso, Maria Salazar

Genre: Drama/Horror

Studio: Optimum

Format: DVD

Country: Uruguay

Reviewer: Daryl Wing

Despite an editor being credited, many still believe The Silent House (La Casa Muda) was filmed in one continuous, relentless shot and inspired by true events. Whether or not either of these myths is true, first-time director Gustavo Hernandez’s movie has already impressed Hollywood with a remake soon to be released starring Elizabeth Olsen, younger sister of the Olsen twins. Therefore, it already stands to reason that you’re better off watching the original, even if it’s frightfully dire. For peace of mind, however, is it actually any good?

Laura and her father have promised to clean an old friend's property in order for it to be sold. Travelling deep into the hostile, unforgiving landscape of rural Uruguay, they are to spend the night in an isolated, run down cottage in order to get an early start on it the next morning.

With no civilization for hundreds of miles, no electricity or modern conveniences within the property and darkness long since descended, Laura forces her father to investigate a strange noise from the floor above.

When he doesn't return after what sounds like a sinister scuffle, Laura has nothing but fear to console her. She knows she’s not alone and her father is either in trouble, or dead. Fearing something is waiting in the shadows, she arms herself and searches for answers…

Gustavo Hernandez is clearly a man who storyboards every shot. This stands to reason if you want to fool the audience into thinking your movie was shot in one singular take – planning is essential. And although the results may be too airtight for some tastes, too constructed, too precise, it fits his slow-build storytelling like a glove - even if the first fifteen minutes are as dull as dishwater. We basically follow Laura and her father around as if we’re the third member of their restoration crew, the camera lingering a second too long all too often, too early in the film to tease us but doing it regardless, with each and every attempt passing by with little fuss.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – lesser people, like Michael Bay for instance, would jump at the chance to jolt the audience, delivering a cheap chill offering a momentary thrill. Hernandez refuses time and time again. He certainly knows the tricks of the trade – his camera movement slow and tentative, especially when one of horror’s favourite weapons, the mirror, is ominously sitting in shot. Brilliantly composed, the audience is treated to some frightening foreplay, misdirecting us and making the film all the more chilling for it.

The Silent House turns out to be a primarily petrifying experience. With action limited mainly to the house, we see what Laura sees, and then, thanks to some quirky flourishes, we are surprised to see her again, from another dizzying angle, or we see more, what she doesn’t see, what we don’t want to see, even if there’s nothing there at all. Then there’s the excellent use of sound. Distant thumps and clatters, footsteps, an anxious gasp for breath – it’s all here – and although most reek of standard horror clichés, Hernandez has already offered enough to warrant the stay of you and your fraught failings to accept it’s only a movie.

It’s a shame, then, that Laura (a far from savvy Florencia Colucci) reenters the house after finally finding a way out. Although the twist-ending justifies her decision to do so, and also allows Hernandez to scare the life out of his audience with one of the most truly terrifying scenes in recent memory (the Polaroid camera moment is downright spine-chilling), it stretches the credibility it had mastered and murders all the good that came before it. Clichéd for sure, but the opening two acts were tense and gripping, whereas the final one is ruined by the director trying to tie its few loose ends up rather than use them to whip up some more compulsive terror.

The end result is therefore a huge disappointment, and leaves you questioning the pointlessness of all that came before it – the Fight Club of modern horror, if you will. Some movies don’t need to be clever, and they certainly don’t need to follow the Shyamalan methods of storytelling, relying on final acts to neatly resolve every question raised. The Silent House was working perfectly well by echoing Shyamalan’s slow-paced direction, but similar to aliens that don’t like water, or death by daffodils, the ridiculous conclusion dished up here makes little sense and turns the film not on its head, but on its backside.

Although the story was conceived by Hernandez, the screenplay was actually written by Oscar Estevez (his first and maybe last screenplay), so we’ll thankfully be seeing a lot more from this promising director, only next time with a meatier story to work with. And despite a massive setback, the loudest horror film with silent in the title is still worth a look, mainly because the plot is outgunned by disorienting close-ups, scenes that will keep you on tenterhooks and an assured visual style (if you dare to look) that will haunt most that see it.

Worth watching for one hair-raising scene alone, The Silent House is anything but. With its dark, brooding atmosphere and an uneasy aura that lingers in every corner of its frame, it will leave you breathless, right up until its hugely disappointing climax - foolishly daring to question all the tense yet clichéd action that came before it.

PUNCH IT: FANBOYS (BLU-RAY/DVD)

"It's 1999, and Fanboys follows a group of avid Star Wars fans as they travel west to see the Holy Grail of all sci-fi movies, 'Star Wars Episode I'. Sounds boring? Possibly, until you discover the film hasn't been released yet, so the death star dorks try to break into George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch to watch the picture before its release....

Not just for Star Wars fans (you will certainly get a hell of a lot more for your money if you are), Fanboys humour is primarily sourced from the original saga, but there's also plenty of decent bitching between our protagonists, particularly in the case of Dan Fogler, playing Hutch, who, other than Kristen Bell's show-stealing outfit in the final act, has a greater grasp of the force and would probably even outshine planet Alderaan's misadventure with the Death Star.

A love letter to the greatest trilogy of all time, the plot moves along at a fair old gallop, with cameos aplenty to please even those that bat for the other side. Luckily, it never veers too far from its roots, and one of the finest moments is when our band of heroes decide to crack some trekkie skulls (Seth Rogen popping up to add extra weight with a neat sideswipe at Star Trek and Jar Jar Binks). It's hard to believe twelve years have past since Episode One arrived on our screens, but relive the excitement by watching Kyle Newman's corker - it's certainly more satisfying."

WELCOME BACK: SONS OF ANARCHY SEASON 3.1: SO

"It’s been a long time coming (for the UK) but the first episode of the eagerly awaited third season of Sons of Anarchy was certainly worth the wait. Abel's kidnapping has the Sons reeling - especially Jax, whose grief sends him into deeper turmoil over his future with the MC, whilst Gemma, on the run after being framed for murder, is hit with some unexpected news from her past…

Starting slowly with the inevitable hangover from the second season’s chilling climax, we follow the Sons as they try to regroup. Outstanding casting aside, their search for clues to Abel’s disappearance reveals many mouth-watering storylines: Clay struggling to keep Gemma safe but deciding not to tell her about Abel’s kidnapping as he tries to work out a way of locating him, dead or alive; Gemma refusing to stay hidden when, unknown to Clay and Jax, she discovers the truth; Hale worrying about becoming the new Chief; Tara’s blossoming relationship with the deliciously devilish Agent Stahl; Tig’s on-going torment over the death of Donna, or Jax himself, with so many problems it’s impossible to list here.

There’s certainly some choice action (on their bikes, finally) to compliment the drama, and a ferocious finale that sums up this programme perfectly – explosive, powerful and utterly compelling. And yet, the inevitable trip to Ireland worries me. Can the Irish charm as much as Charming itself? I guess we shall have to wait and see (everyone else has already done so) but nonetheless, welcome back boys and girls, the pleasure is all ours."

REVISIT: WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END (DVD)

"Better than the original, Wrong Turn 2 focuses on a reality show that turns into the ultimate nightmare for six contestants when they find themselves pitted against hideously deformed and insatiably hungry cannibals in this over the top but entertaining gore-fest.

Retired military commander Colonel Dale Murphy (the reliably cheesy Henry Rollins) hosts a simulated post-apocalyptic reality show where participants are challenged to survive a remote West Virginia wasteland. Obviously, the show soon turns into a nightmarish showdown as they all become hunted by an inbred family of cannibals. 

Sons Of Anarchy fans will enjoy seeing Rollins hunted down by the less than charming beasts, other performances deepen as the film develops, there are a few smart lines, a cracking introduction, but most importantly of all, extensive suffering eventually strips away much of the heroicness, allowing us to enjoy many a splendid death in an unexpected order.

The end result is all rather satisfying, with plenty of look away moments before then, including the birth of a 'special' child, a splitting headache, a jealous lover and some pretty deformed sex. If you want to leave your brain at the door, just like the majority of the characters are forced to, then Wrong Turn 2 certainly rolls in the right direction."

HIDDEN GEM: BEHIND THE MASK - THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON (R2 DVD)

"On the surface, Leslie Vernon seems like your average, small-town, nice guy. He has goals and ambitions like the rest of us - aspirations to follow in the footsteps of his long time heroes. Sadly, the men he worships happen to be Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers and Jason Vorhees. Yes indeed, Leslie wants to be the world's next great psycho-slasher, and he’s so confident he’ll succeed he’s even allowed a documentary crew to film him.


Filmmaker Taylor Gentry and her crew are given exclusive access to his life as he plans his reign of terror over the sleepy town of Glen Echo, deconstructing the conventions and archetypes of the horror genre as he goes along. Listen as he explains why he can’t simply move back into his hometown; be surprised at his harsh training regime, teaching himself simple tricks like making it look like you’re walking when everyone else is running; be amazed by the tricks of the trade – how does he make the door slam behind the potential victim when he’s hiding in the shadows? Why are all the weapons our protagonist uses so bloody useless? It’s all explained here...


Behind The Mask is a genuine surprise. Not only is it bracingly reducible to physics but its original and amusing, with a final act helped by a decent twist that allows director Scott Glosserman to break all the rules. The performances range from impressive (even if Nathan Baesel’s killer presses the Jim Carrey button a little too often) to poor (it’s hard to tell whether Kate Lang Johnson’s heroine Kelly is supposed to be so terrible), and although the bloodshed is disappointingly absent throughout, its black humour and interesting premise keep you hooked.


Completely aware of how ridiculous it is, Glosserman’s self-parodying debut keeps it straight-faced even with the pleasing cameos from Robert Englund and Zelda Rubinstein. Movies may not exist in this world, while some of the gags don’t quite hit the spot, but the majority strike harder than Ghostface ever could (whether it be sabotaging weapons, a reluctance to smash windows or simply chopping veg), and Leslie Vernon certainly stays on his feet longer, resulting in a rise not to be missed."

SECOND OPINION: MEGAMIND (R2 DVD)

"DreamWorks turns the superhero genre on its head with their latest animated foray, Megamind. Growing up can be tough when you have superpowers, and nobody knows that better than Megamind (Will Ferrell). Touching down on Earth as a small child, his appearance is overshadowed by the arrival of protector-in-waiting Metro Man (Brad Pitt) - a better looking, infinitely more dashing superhero, who steals Megamind’s thunder and plays a jaunty tune with it. Megamind sets out to destroy his smug nemesis and take over Metro City once and for all.


His dreams come true when, almost by accident, he defeats Metro Man and gains control of ‘Metrocity’. But life can be dull when you’re a ying with no yang, so Megamind creates a new superhero (Jonah Hill) to fight against. Chaos ensues when things don’t go to plan, and a romantic subplot threatens to turn the world on its egg-shaped head. It soon becomes abundantly clear that the world's biggest "mind", along with his comic sidekick Minion (David Cross), might actually have to save the day for once.


Megamind is a neat twist on the superhero formula, and the filmmakers have plenty of fun playing around with familiar clichés and themes. Will Ferrell and Jonah Hill are a blast from start to finish, taking a frequently witty script and flying away with it. Tina Fey provides spunky female support, and David Cross delights as Megamind’s absent minded sidekick. 


The writers throw in plenty of twists along the way, but it's Ferrell’s riff on Jor-El that steals the show. When it comes to computer animation Pixar still lead the way, but Megamind is further proof that the chasing pack are closing in. Street smart, charming and laugh out loud funny, Megamind is an animated adventure that won’t leave you feeling blue."

  

TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE: THE DEVIL'S ROCK (R2 DVD)

Film: The Devil’s Rock
UK Release date: 11th July 2011
Certificate: 15
Running time: 86 mins
Director: Paul Campion
Starring: Craig Hall, Matthew Sunderland, Gina Varela, Karlos Drinkwater
Genre: Horror
Format: DVD
Country: New Zealand

First time director Paul Campion is best known for his work as a visual effects artist on classic trilogies Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia, as well as the outstanding Sin City and Greek legends dud Clash of the Titans. But has Campion got what it takes to step up a level or will The Devil’s Rock be bowed down beneath a burden akin to Greek Titan Atlas after rebelling against Zeus?

It’s the eve of D-Day and allied commandos are carrying out sabotage raids on the German occupied Channel Islands to draw attention away from Normandy.

On Forau Island, two New Zealand comrades, Captain Ben Grogan (Craig Hall) and Sergeant Joe Tane (Karlos Drinkwater) have been sent to destroy gun replacements, but after negotiating a tricky route to their target a woman’s screams lure them into an isolated fortress.

It’s here they discover the attractive female Helene (Gina Varela), held captive by rusty chains, surrounded by mutilated bodies, and after resistance from Colonel Klaus Meyer (Matthew Sunderland), Grogan has to decide whether he’ll help the girl escape the island or stop a Nazi occult plot to unleash demonic forces in order to win the war…

He said: Campion’s The Devil’s Rock is an engaging, neatly constructed horror whose conventionality is never endangered by the supernatural violence it could depict – dismembered bodies may be strewn across the blood-stained floors, while others (one in particular has a rifle rammed down its throat) are slumped across the walls coated in vital fluid, but for the most part the horrors are hidden away like the devil herself.

She said: The Devil’s Rock starts promisingly enough, with two strong leads, an interesting premise and a slow burning sense of dread. Paul Campion keeps the characters confined to small dark spaces, helping to create a suspenseful atmosphere that breathes menace.

He said: Sunderland as the sly Colonel Meyer is the standout, with his “we’re both in the same shit” persona managing to convince Hall’s Grogan that it’s best if they stick together. The Grogan character is let down by his indecisiveness - all too often it gets him into far too much trouble, and his inability to think rationally questions how he has been so well-rewarded career-wise, let alone allowed him to not get dead.

She said: Commonplace in movies that deal with the occult, Nazi’s just can’t seem to leave it alone, not even bad experiences in Hellboy and Indiana Jones have done enough to distract them.

He said: The opening, which sees Grogan and comrade Sergeant Tane (a sadly underused Karlos Drinkwater) looking to destroy gun replacements, impresses with its washed-out visuals and tense plotting fused with deliciously entertaining dialogue that adds artful backstory to a gripping preamble.

She said: The Devil’s Rock takes a downward turn - quite literally - as soon as we meet Helene. It’s clear to anyone watching that she isn’t the girl she claims to be, only Grogan seems slow on the uptake. Even when she turns a nasty shade of red, Grogan takes an eternity to make up his mind. Who do you trust more, a She-Devil or a Nazi soldier?

He said: Campion tries his best to restore some of its early protocol with Meyer delivering a few lines that throw us back on track; the majority of viewers hopefully convinced by now that the devil can rip its victim apart by becoming the someone they thought was the love of their life, but Grogan will still have you screaming at the screen for his inability to trust a Nazi over his dead wife, no matter how many times Meyer utters “fairytale bullshit”.

She said: The relationship between Grogan and Meyer is both enthralling and complicated. Grogan may think he has the upper hand when it comes to moral code and values, but the final act reveals that the definition of truth can be cloudy at best. Grogan’s reluctance is explained away by a turn of events that find us questioning the difference between right and wrong, between hero and villain.

He said: You’ll still be questioning whether Grogan is just happy to hear his slaughtered spouse’s voice after all these years though, but to be fair, she sounds a hell of a lot better than the camp, almost laughable powers of articulation of the real villain of the piece – a tranny-she-devil that disappoints more than it delivers.

She said: In attempting to make his villain sound demonic, Campion has dropped the ball big time, creating a bad girl that lacks any kind of credibility. Helene’s true form is hilariously misjudged.

He said: Luckily, the final act finally reawakens along with one of the diseased in a genuinely hilarious moment of madness, even if the zombie comes across more drunk than dangerous, and a fine act of betrayal once again disguises Grogan’s implausible anguish.

She said: The final moments give food for thought, but after an impressive opening The Devil’s Rock loses its way in the dark.

He said: Maybe Campion’s script (co-written with Paul Finch) would’ve been more provocative if he had worked as a visual effects artist on The Exorcist rather than Eragon. Having said that, the rivetingly repellent effects on show are reason enough to watch.

She said: The Devil’s Rock struggles to find its feet under an overly talky midsection. A promising first act and strong performances give way to comical demons and lightweight chills, resulting in a far from satisfying dance with the Devil in the pale moon light.

He said: Despite a devil that would certainly prefer to wear Prada, The Devil’s Rock is a promising start for first time director Paul Campion. This could do for Campion what Dog Soldiers did for Marshall.

REVIEW: MOBY DICK (R2 DVD)

Film: 2010 Moby Dick

UK Release date: 25th July 2011

Certificate: 12

Director: Trey Stokes

Starring: Barry Bostwick, Renee O'Connor, Matt Lagan, Adam Grimes, Dean Kreyling

Genre: Horror

Languages: English

Reviewer: Adam Wing

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the video store, The Asylum is back, and it’s bringing with it a Dick called Moby. The masters of the ‘mockbuster’ show no sign of letting up, but lets not give them too much credit. From the studio that gave us Transmorphers, Mega Piranha and Titanic II, comes a modern day reworking of a literary classic. Herman Melville must be spinning in his grave right about now.

Moby Dick follows the adventures of the crazed Captain Ahab (Barry Bostwick) on his bloodthirsty mission for vengeance. Equipped with the most high-tech weaponry known to man, nothing will get in his way as he battles against nature, society and his own inner demons on a collision course with the deadliest beast the oceans have ever known. Batten down the hatches and hold on for your life as we plunge into the abyss in this white-knuckle ride of bravery, bloodshed and marine madness.

Trey Stokes is the man responsible for Asylum’s latest, taking the helm on his feature debut. A cast of credible screen talent join him (I can’t actually back that up), including the likes of Renee O’Connor (Xena, Bitch Slap), Adam Grimes (The Last Exorcism) and Matt Lagan (Asylum regular). Barry Bostwick takes on lead duties, and even if you don’t recognise his name, there’s a good chance you’ll recognise his face. He’s appeared in pretty much every American TV show made over the last twenty years, including the likes of Glee, Spin City, Scrubs and Ugly Betty.

The film begins in 1969, fifty miles off Soviet waters. When the USS Acushnet dives under the ice, a young Ahab listens for enemy subs, insisting on the presence of ‘an emptiness’ in the water. Sure enough, the submarine is attacked by a gigantic, whale-like creature. Ahab survives, losing his leg to the beast in the process, which sets him on a course of revenge and retribution. Years later, Dr. Michelle Herman (Renée O'Connor) and her bikini top are listening to whale noises when the Pequod surfaces. In the sub, Starbuck tells them about several attacks by an enormous whale. Back in San Diego, Captain Boomer (another survivor of the attack of  '69) comes to the conclusion that Ahab is on the hunt for Moby Dick.

This might sound like an unsurprising statement to some (and when I say ‘some’ I mean pretty much everybody), but even by The Asylum’s unequivocal low standards, Moby Dick is a disaster movie of epic proportions. Barry Bostwick is clearly having a great time, hamming it up as the vengeful Captain Ahab. His performance is the only thing that keeps the film afloat at times, but sadly for everyone else, Moby Dick sinks faster than a luxury cruise liner on its maiden voyage. Not Titanic of course, that would be wrong of me, obviously I’m talking about Titanic II. Looking forward to that one already…

The acting is atrocious, the special effects are insulting, and for some bizarre reason - with the exception of Barry Bostwick - the entire cast play it straight. We’re talking about a film in which a giant whale leaps out of the water, sneaks behind a rock and ‘jumps out’ on its prey in a surprise attack. That might sound hilarious to some, but apart from the scene where Moby Dick eats an attack helicopter, The Asylum’s latest fails to impress with any of its customary incompetence. The sad truth of the matter is, despite an enjoyable opening, nothing really happens until the spectacularly stupid finale. That's almost seventy minutes of bland dialogue, woeful performances and Renee O’Connor in a bikini top. Talking of which, if you’re making a film with two redeeming features, don’t make the girl cover them up. I was looking at them…

2010: Moby Dick fails to entertain on any level, and I’m a big fan of dumb movies, believe me. I’ll leave you with my favourite line though, “Oh he’s not a whale, he’s the devil himself.” Of course he is Captain Ahab, of course he is.

GOOD NIGHT IN? PRIMAL (R2 DVD)

"A group of friends venture into the wilds to study a rock painting, which means it’s not long before they come face to face with an ancient evil. One of the group goes skinny-dipping, emerging bloodied, dazed and confused, and before long she has undergone a brutal transformation, sprouting teeth and turning rabid. Her friends are now the prey, meaning it’s kill or be killed in writer-director Josh Reed’s rabid creature feature Primal.

So, away we go with the attractive slutty blonde (Krew Boylan), personality vacuum Chad (Lindsay Farris), handsome rogue Dace (Wil Traval), group joker Warren (Damien Freeleagus), potential first victim Kris (Rebekah Foord) and phobia scarred heroine-in-waiting Anja (Zoe Tuckwell-Smith). A familiar group of horror victims if ever there was one, but the characters and performances are much stronger than you might expect from a monster/slasher movie hybrid.

Josh Reed would do well to learn a little something about restraint, however, because there’s a decent horror movie hidden away beneath the glossy exterior of Primal. It’s all too shiny though, a little too showy, and had Reed taken the less-is-more approach we could’ve been on to something. Primal’s biggest failing is that, when the transformation takes place, any sense of true terror is lost. The rabid humans just aren’t scary enough, bouncing around like ravenous kangaroo’s, moaning and groaning like they’re suffering from a bad dose of man-flu.

The final act takes a monstrous turn, and the meagre budget just can’t keep up with it. You can’t fault Reed for ambition, but the CGI enhanced hokum leaves you with an overwhelming sense of disillusionment. There’s plenty of meat to chew on in Primal, but Reed has a thing or two to learn about classic horror before he truly makes his mark. That said, his bloated creature feature is blessed with one of the best last lines of the year."

NO STINGS ATTACHED: THE GIRL WHO KICKED THE HORNETS' NEST (R2 DVD)

"A disappointing second installment of Stieg Larsson's Millennium trilogy meant that hopes were hardly high for the final one, and with Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) under police guard in hospital for the majority of the film, awaiting the trial that apparently has a country gripped, we're left to wonder where the excitement will come from. The answer? It doesn't.

Thanks to Salander being pretty much cut off from the outside world (all that was good from the first movie is confined to a small room), watching her tip-tap on a mobile phone is hardly exciting stuff. Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) may be out to prove her innocence and expose the political cover up that threatens to destroy her freedom, but they haven't spent any significant time together since the first outing - their chemistry as absent as the thrills.

Emotional distress is largely siphoned off into the occasional flashback and constant repetition of Salander's miserable past, in-house politics rule out the brutal urgency present in the first movie, and the ever-present cartoonish villainy destroys any hope of rescuing director Daniel Alfredson's retelling of this hugely bloated trilogy."