MUSIC: ALBUM OF THE WEEK - VERSAEMERGE 'FIXED AT ZERO' ****

REVIEW: PROFESSOR LAYTON AND THE ETERNAL DIVA (DVD)

Film: Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva **
Release Date: 18th October 2010
Certificate: PG
Running time: 94 mins
Director: Masakazu Hashimoto
Starring: Yo Oizumi, Maki Horikita, Mamiko Noto, Shiro Saito, Nana Mizuki, Chris Miller, Maria Darling, Sarah Hadland, Wayne Forester, Stuart Organ, Robbie Stevens, Jonathan Keeble, Emma Tate, Claire Morgan & David Holt
Genre: Animation/Adventure/Crime/Mystery
Format: DVD
Country: Japan

Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva is directed by Masakazu Hashimoto (Kemonozume), following on from the title character’s four hugely successful puzzle games for the Nintendo DS. Developed by Nintendo and Level-5, the movie is the first part of a planned trilogy, this one the prequel, set in England where the game has already shifted thousands of units - but will it please the fans?

Professor Layton receives a letter from an old student, the famous operatic singer Jenice Quatlane, including two tickets for her latest performance at the legendary Crown Petone Opera House.

Meanwhile, a spate of disappearances hits London, so Layton’s assistant Remi stays behind to investigate while he attends the opera with his apprentice Luke. The Professor soon realises that the pair of invites are actually a cry for help, the strange happenings at the theatre linked to the missing people back in the City.

Forced to play a deadly round of puzzles with the other guests, it isn’t long before he realises that it’s all part of the master plan: a chance to solve the biggest riddle Layton and his mysterious foe has ever faced – that of eternal life…

A word of caution: if you decide to watch this movie using its English dubbing then you should also be prepared to endure an oddly impressive Obi-Wan Kenobi impersonation by Professor Layton, not helped by his young apprentice who happens to be called Luke. It’s all rather surreal, but it also happens to be one of the few highlights by the time the final act arrives, mainly due to a plot that shifts its focus from puzzle-solving to adult-orientated sentimentality.

This is a shame because the opening hour will please most that watch it – an intriguing plot is filled with puzzles that both young and old can try to solve before the Professor and his slightly-annoying sidekick do. The results are interesting and would stand as a solid adaptation of the game.

The tame ending aside, considering the majority of video game-adaptations movie fans have had to witness since the nineties (Streetfighter, Mortal Kombat, Tomb Raider, Doom…), Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva somehow manages to replicate, for the most part, its unique selling point.

There are even a few lingering chills from the creepy Oompa Loompa wannabes onboard the Crown Petone, dispensing of the guests who fail to solve the puzzles presented to them, while a pleasing nod to the Phantom of the Opera, with its masked villain orchestrating the puzzles, also manages to satisfy.

The animation is executed well, especially during the finale’s stylized dogfight which seems to blow all of the budgetary constraints out of the sky. It’s just a shame Layton’s first journey doesn’t end here. It does lack a little slapstick, for both children and adults alike - sometimes being far more serious than it really has to be, losing its childish languor, as if wanting to preach about the loss of a child rather than the joys of childhood.

The soundtrack, and this is probably a good thing, contemplates the visuals by being scarcely noticeable until the final act: the haunting melodies work well here, even if the repetitive remix of the games familiar theme tune fails to ignite the set-piece in the latter stages, instead almost ruining it completely.

Other gripes include Professor Layton suddenly becoming a master swordsman (where is his lightsaber?) – his transformation into action-hero is a little perplexing, seeing as for the most-part he plods around the screen scratching his chin at every opportunity (more of a Yoda). Luke and the indestructible Inspector Chelmey are often quite infuriating to watch, especially the latter with his green body hair and ability to avoid injury, and the too-talky final scene would be more fitting to the ill-fated Titanic rather than the Crown Petone – overblown and far too wishy-washy.

The pacing is a little sluggish and the dialogue is often questionable; “Jenice, I’m sorry I borrowed your body for so long,” remarks one of the character’s with little reaction from Jenice, who doesn’t seem to be all that bothered by the art of bodysnatching. Layton is far too cool a customer – it wouldn’t hurt for him to have some kind of weakness, other than Sudoku.

On the plus side, there are few children’s films that give your grey cells a bit of a workout that Professor Layton offers, so those with the attention span of Dory from Finding Nemo are advised to look elsewhere. Whether the opening gambit works as well after repeat viewings is questionable, and probably one puzzle most viewers will fail to solve.

Fans of the games should lap it up, but Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva loses steam towards the end, hampered by a lack of puzzles that made the opening so enjoyable, and a dewy-eyed third act that begs for the credits.

NEVER TRUST AN IMP

I would have stayed with her forever, happily wrapped in her sopping embrace – only she was leaving, returning to the surface, and each watery breath was threatening to be my last. As she gracefully slipped away all I could think about was Harla shaking her head with a disappointed scowl; despite her repeated warnings, she knew that one day I would fall for an imp.

It had been ten years since I caught my first, and in that time I had never stopped my own personal exploration of their magical realm. I’d captured some impressive ones too, and we’re not talking their most primal form either; pulsing forces of radiant light with a glowing centre, albeit pretty, just don’t interest me. I’m talking about the highly evolved sprites, taking on shapes we’re all familiar with, and some that are completely absurd.

My first was Tack - a dogged creature with a sharp, pointed nose, responsible for some of the little hiccups affecting the things around us. He didn’t think his tinkering mattered much, and yet it rendered objects quite useless. He was often the cause of punctured tyres and burst balloons - a fairly annoying sprite, which I caught snoozing in the woodland near my home when I was nine. With him a tad aggressive and me in one’s salad days, I soon granted him freedom, but from that day on I was hooked.

My new avocation was encouraged by the place of my birth. Hellaton, the village where I’ve spent all of my days, is home to the entrance to a faerie underworld. Some believe this, most don’t – but it sure explains why they are so commonplace around here. According to the converts, only those with ‘the sight’ are gifted enough to witness such intriguing creatures, and although I’m likely to agree, I also believe that if the little folk wish to be seen, they will be.

I’d been told by many that they hold a trust for the sake of the planet. A growing number were quite disgruntled about having to share Earth’s guardianship with us, angry that we were abusing the planet for our own gain. I often worried about what lay ahead, so I started to treat my hobby as more of a lesson, more as an insight into their world; a world slowly being robbed by man.

It cannot be denied that others before me have suffered sickness, madness, and even death whilst dabbling in the art of elfin enslaver. I once heard of a middle-aged man so entranced by the otherworld he befriended a faery of such dark despair, sinking deeper and deeper into the shadows of despondency that he wandered helplessly onto a railway track and was struck down by an oncoming train. Maybe I should’ve taken up fishing, like my father insisted, but fish are unremarkable at the best of times. The beautiful thing about this pastime is its unpredictability. You have to have your wits about you, as it soon becomes obvious that things aren’t usually as they first appear. Therefore, it’s never wise to trust an imp...

MUSIC: EXCITED ABOUT JIMMY EAT WORLD 'INVENTED' (27/9/2010)

REVIEW: THE HORDE (DVD)

Film: The Horde ***
Release Date: 20th September 2010
Certificate: 18
Running time: 90 mins
Director: Yannick Dahan & Benjamin Rocher
Starring: Claude Perron, Jean-Pierre Martins, Eriq Ebouaney, Aurelien Recoing, Doudou Masta
Genre: Action/Crime/Horror
Studio: Momentum
Format: DVD
Country: France

They’ve had nights, dawns and days, plagues in cities, lakes and lands from London to Outer Space. Zombies have been resurrected so many times over the years its difficult to get all that excited about The Horde, the debut feature by Yannick Dahan and Benjamin Rocher.

However, having picked up awards for best screenplay and best cinematography at the 2010 Fantasporto Film Festival, plus a pretty cool trailer, you’ll be forgiven for thinking this latest effort shows promise. But will it live up to its ‘Assault on Precinct 13 meets Dawn of the Dead’ billing – or is it another Flight of the Living Dead?

When a Police Detective is found murdered by a gang of barbaric thugs, four rogue cops take it upon themselves to exact revenge. But holed up in a tower-block, the gang sees it coming, overcoming the vigilantes and taking them prisoner.

Torturing their victims, they are unaware about the breakdown of society happening quite literally on their doorstep. As sirens and the sound of explosions fill the air outside, it isn’t long before those inside are introduced to the doom-laden din of terror - that of the zombie apocalypse.

Trapped, and each with a score to settle, those that still have a pulse must somehow join forces if they are to survive the onslaught…

Although the opening is bleak and gritty, first timers Yannick Dahan and Benjamin Rocher lack the originality to make The Horde truly stand out – so much so, we are made aware of something dangerous lurking in the shadows only when the guard dog gets slaughtered, out of shot - its whimper echoing the viewer’s as we yearn for something fresh to chew on.

And it continues: a metal bar is conveniently left and found to wedge a door shut, two of the hunted decide to have fun with a corpse in a scene lacking humour, while another decides enough is enough and takes them all on by himself. For all the good on offer here (and there is plenty), soon enough something will come along and ruin what went before it.

A shame then, that the first zombie to appear is the toughest of the bunch. It’s also a shame that the dilapidated building, hinted at early on, is underused. The biggest gripe though is that our female protagonist lacks the personality of even the lowest ranking zombie witnessed during The Horde’s duration (the one that gets taken out by a fridge). Her only good moment arrives when she makes it abundantly clear that she trusts nobody, not even the guys she’s worked with for so long.

This is a huge problem, because during the opening ten minutes, it’s hard to feel sorry for the four vigilantes as their fragile false sense of togetherness is tested time and time again before finally being shattered by the gathering hordes of the living dead. Not only are the apparent villains of the piece, the gang, given more screen time, they’re also much more endearing.

Still, the script is loads of fun without being remotely original, and The Horde manages to escape joining the masses of zombie dross with a plot that never fails to ignite every so often. Loner ‘watchman’ Rene (Yves Pignot) really steals the day, his unpredictable personality topping anything the zombies manage to pull off, bringing with it some of the best scenes: an amputation stand-off and the well-scripted truce that follows.

Another satisfying performance is that of Aurelien Recoing, playing Jimenez – even if his one major fling, taking on two stiffs without the need of a weapon, sums up The Horde’s problem. As a zombie piece it lacks originality or the chills to warrant interest, yet as an action movie it supplies just as many thrills and surprises as many of those before it.

The two-on-one fight in a dingy corridor, although at first disorientating, soon becomes the greatest moment this film has to offer. Which, considering the trailer, is disappointing - the stand-off between Tony and a thousand zombies never works because, although the living dead aren’t exactly credible in the real world, this scene takes it further still and just isn’t believable, no matter how easy-going we are. Seriously, just bite his ankle…

The ending is pleasantly downbeat, even if one of the more appealing characters meets the worst fate. It would’ve worked better, and a lot more satisfying to boot, if the roles were reversed here, but then it’s probably in keeping with the slightly disappointing movie as a whole. Negativity aside, there’s enough good stuff going on that help disguise the fissures, but if you’re looking for scares or something fresh then you won’t find it here.

The grim visuals and giddy sense of claustrophobia compensate for a score drowned out by gunfire (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing), and as genuine entertainment it will easily hold your interest until after its finale thanks to neat twists and conflict by the bucketload.

Fast-paced and filled with friction, The Horde is definitely a cut above most standard zombie movies, yet it lacks the freshness and originality to challenge the cream of the crop. As an action movie it works better - think Red Dawn rather than Dawn of the Dead.

REVIEW: THE STRING (DVD)

Film: The String **
Release Date: 18th October 2010
Certificate: 15
Running time: 93 mins
Director: Mehdi Ben Attia
Starring: Claudia Cardinale, Antonin Stahly-Vishwanadan, Salim Kechiouche, Driss Ramdi
Genre: Drama/Romance
Format: DVD
Country: France

Growing up, Claudia Cardinale had always planned to become a teacher. That is until she won ‘The Most Beautiful Italian Girl in Tunisia’ beauty pageant in 1957. A ridiculous title, for sure, and one that she still laughs at today, but without it she may never have gone on to make well over sixty films, including ‘The Professionals’, ‘Once Upon a Time in the West’ and ‘The Pink Panther’. Now seventy-two-years-old and still going strong, the actress once referred to as "Italy’s happiest invention after Spaghetti" appears in Mehdi Ben Attia’s The String.

Malik (Antonin Stahly-Vishwanadan) isn’t looking forward to his return to Tunisia after living in France. Not only is he struggling to cope with the loss of his father, he has yet to admit his sexual orientation to his mother, resulting in the resurfacing of his childhood anxieties.

Greeted warmly by those closest to him, the architect is immediately confronted by his mother Sara (Claudia Cardinale), who hopes and expects that he finally manages to settle, subtly hinting at marriage.

Living in a class conscious society, Malik decides to hide his true feelings and lives a lie, hooking up with a friend whose only demand of him is that he can father a child for herself and her female partner.

Their deception, along with plans to wed, is placed in jeopardy when Malik meets his mother’s handsome handyman, Balil (Salim Kechiouche), and they begin a tentative relationship. Will Malik finally lose the ties that hold him back, or will his forbidden love be undone by their rapidly changing culture and a mother’s expectations?

In the one and only trashy scene during the movie, Malik is shown having vivacious sex with rough trade. This moment alone suggests that director Mehdi Ben Attia is more concerned with class and cultures rather than gender identity, as the underdeveloped scene sits out of place in an otherwise romantic fable. Malik’s desire to seek prostitution seems a little hard to swallow when for the majority his looks and personality seemingly get him whatever he wants. Disappointingly, his darker side is never truly realised and never explored again.

Handled with more care is the subtext about class. Although a little wishy-washy, the feel-good message here, of tolerance and love, far outweighs the agonies of coming out of the closet. It also doesn’t include a silly piece of string that weakly offers a visual metaphor for Malik’s childhood struggles.

If tugging at the string hanging from his shirt isn’t odd enough, it gets stranger still, during a brief cutaway when Malik is imprisoned by it, the string wrapped around him so tightly he screams at the camera in surreal fashion. The award for Most Out Of Place Movie Scene goes here, like it’s been ripped out of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, yet wouldn’t be so bad if more flashes of inspiration were to follow.

They don’t – but this is a good thing, because thankfully, other than an unnecessary explanation about his childhood anxieties and a final scene on the beach with such forced dialogue as “If I let go of the string, will you swim?” that isn’t as clever as it thinks it is, the title of the movie is redundant; the real story focusing on love and the social stigma it may sometimes bring.

Some excellent performances rescue this far too obvious tale, with Claudia Cardinale’s Sara and Salim Kechiouche’s Balil (in a role he’s played on numerous occasions now) stealing the show and holding the viewers waning interest begging for some form of surprise. It’s a shame that there’s little invention here (there’s certainly nothing new to say), because the luscious backdrops and pleasant enough score have the makings of something quite beautiful – instead it all feels made for daytime television; hardly surprising to learn that Mehdi Ben Attia has done little other than.

A few scenes stand out: a sweet exchange between Malik and Bilal when the latter requires some nice shoes to gain entry to a club, mother catching them in a morning clinch, and the oddly amusing wedding day. But these are often ruined by unintentionally daft dialogue such as “Don’t forget, if she dies, text me” and “Tonight we’re not cousins – tonight, we’re truly cousins”.

All this taken into account, the biggest criticism is that by the final act the script offers no conflict whatsoever. Mother suddenly goes from disgusted to delighted, contradicting the opening two acts with her sudden approval, while arguably Malik’s biggest foe, his grandmother, who realises that the marriage is merely a device to cover up the pregnancy, is equally just as pleased, as long as he comes and visits every once in a while. All in all, it’s a great excuse for a party – that’ll be the entire final act then…

Perhaps because it’s devoid of fresh ideas, or maybe because its subtext is handled more satisfyingly, The String is instead suited to daytime television and a waste of Claudia Cardinale’s acting abilities. She does seem to be having fun though – shame that can’t be said for the rest of us.

MUST-SEE: VANISHING OF THE BEES (DVD) ***

REVIEW: SWEET KARMA (DVD)

Film: Sweet Karma ***
Release Date: 13th September 2010
Certificate: 18
Running time: 85 mins
Director: Andrew Thomas Hunt
Starring: Shera Bechard, John Tokatlidis, Frank J. Zupancic, Christian Bako
Genre: Crime/Thriller/Drama
Format: DVD
Country: Canada

Let’s be Frank here: rape and revenge movies have rarely offered anything new to the mix since they gate-crashed the movie scene during the seventies. So far, so brutal. But the genre has developed more pleasingly away from Hollywood, using torture as a shocking last resort, dabbling only occasionally, calming us with arty visuals, characterization and story. Now it’s Canada’s turn. Sweet Karma, written and directed by newcomer Andrew Thomas Hunt, better known for his music videos and photography, introduces us to Shera Bechard, a model with no previous acting credentials playing the lead – a mute. Hollywood must be shaking in its blood-stained boots…

Karma (Shera Bechard), a young, mute Russian woman follows in her dead sister’s footsteps by signing up to become a housemaid in Toronto, with hopes of discovering the truth about Anna’s demise.

Keen to exact revenge on those responsible, Karma follows her sister’s trail, soon realising that her employers’ ideas of a spit and polish are completely different to her own. From sleazy strip joints to dirty motel rooms, her journey to retribution forces her to confront some of the most vicious thugs out there, using and abusing girls simply to make cold hard cash.

Befriended by a gang-member and a friend of Anna’s, Karma must put their hidden agendas to one side as she’ll need all the help she can get if she is to retaliate, let alone survive…

(Read the full review by clicking on either picture)

 

DOWNLOAD THIS: PAPA ROACH 'KICK IN THE TEETH'

ARTIST OF THE WEEK: SMOKE FAIRIES

At school in rural England during the mid-late'90s, best mates Katherine Blamire and Jessica Davies hoped they'd one day escape their home town and dive headlong into the landscape and myth of America, the promised land of their dreams. Little did they know that by 2010, they'd have lived in New Orleans and Vancouver, recorded with 21st century icon Jack White and toured across continents. And now they're releasing a debut album that fulfils the promise of their earlier singles.

'Through Low Light And Trees' is an exquisitely shivery blend of alternative folk-rock and a more humid, bluesy brand of Americana, a sound both eerily ancient and thrillingly modern, with beautifully interlocking harmonies and guitar parts behind the spectral melodies. "Instead of learning how to sing or play individually in a conventional way, we've learnt by bouncing off each other, and fitting in with each other," says Katherine. "It's a connection we wouldn't have found anywhere else."

That connection began in the school choir, and deepened by picking up their parents' guitars and obsessing over Jessica's mum's vinyl albums collection, dominated by American '70s classics: "The first time I heard Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, when those harmonies kicked in, there was nothing else like it," Katherine grins. "Those old records sounded so otherworldly." A year spent in New Orleans in 2002 also helped shape their sound which evolved even further when, back in England, they discovered more British folk at the Sidmouth Folk Festival. "Sometimes the way you find out who you are is by first leaving it behind," says Jessica.

With their band name in place - Smoke Fairies alludes to the summer mist that collects in the hedgerows of Sussex's narrow country lanes - the duo started gigging. But restless and adventurous, the pair moved again, this time to Vancouver, drawn by the mountains and sea. Flitting between jobs and short on money, their year in Canada was, "an intense experience," says Katherine. "But a lot of our songs came from that time. You have to let the mayhem out somehow."

Jack White was early to respond to their music, when he heard one of their self-released singles and offered to produce a track for his Third Man label at his Nashville studio. Recorded, with White on drums (and "mad guitar solo" on 'River Song') and his Raconteurs / Dead Weather pal Jack Lawrence on bass, 'Gastown'/ 'River Song' was released in December 2009.

After another spell of writing last winter the Fairies headed for Sawmills studio in rural Cornwall in the Spring to start work on their debut album with producer Head (best known for his work with PJ Harvey) and their current live band.

Through its 11 tracks, "Through Low Light And Trees" smoulders with an honest, often painful emotional intimacy. "A lot of our songs are drawn from the experience of travelling around and leaving, or feeling distant and out of place, and the heartache that comes from looking back and longing," says Katherine. 'Summer Fades', 'Morning Blues', 'Feeling In Turning Blue', 'Storm Song' and 'After The Rain' all tap a well of loneliness, when relationships stumble and crumble. 'Hotel Room' and 'Blue Skies Fall' tap a more optimistic view of love but elsewhere, 'Devil In My Mind' is inspired by, "dark, menacing," London ("in the end, we're country people at heart") while 'Erie Lackawanna' (the end destinations of a train route that once ran past Jessica's grandfather's house in New Jersey) concerns old age, and change. So does 'Dragon', albeit like a dark English fairytale, where the narrator wishes to be eaten by a murderous dragon, "to take her out of the pain after everyone else has been killed around her."

And yet in person, Katherine laughs, "We're genuinely quite cheerful! On stage, we can indulge in some ridiculous banter, and then we play something quite moody and mournful"

Smoke Fairies' own fairytale continues to unfold. Having toured with Richard Hawley across Britain late last year and then being heralded as one of the bands to see at this years SXSW festival, they then headed off to the states to support Laura Marling for a month and recently released Ghosts: A Compilation of A-Sides, B-Sides and an EP from the Recent Past exclusively for the US market. Most recently Jessica and Katherine added supernatural, angelic backing vocals to Richard Hawley's current EP False Lights From The Land. When the calibre of White and Hawley are entranced, you know this isn't fairy-tale, but the absolute truth. Record Label:V2/COOPBand Members:Jessica Davies & Katherine BlamireCountry:United Kingdom

ONE TO AVOID: CLASH OF THE TITANS (DVD) **

Jumping from one set-piece to another, the majority of which are poor compared to those witnessed in 1981's original masterpiece, Clash of the Titans is a pointless exercise proving once again that special effects can't replace a good story. Why they insisted on changing the plot to this mess is beyond me. Excluding the underused Pegasus and some monster scorpions, everything here is rushed and not very exciting. Shame, because I had high hopes for this remake seeing as the effects from 1981 are now very much dated. More fool me. The only blessing is in its short running time. Avoid.

   

LOOKING FORWARD TO: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS SEASON 4

Friday Night Lights is an American television series adapted by Peter Berg, Brian Grazer and David Nevins from a book and film of the same name. During the first three seasons the series details events surrounding the Dillon Panthers, a high school football team based in fictional Dillon, Texas, with particular focus given to the team's coach, Eric Taylor (Kyle Chandler) and his family.

In the much anticipated fourth season Taylor is forced to take over at East Dillon High School, where he coaches the Lions. The show uses this small-town backdrop to address many issues facing contemporary Middle America and is utterly compelling, so get on it. 

MUST SEE: CEMETERY JUNCTION (DVD) ****

"Freddie, stop listening to music made by poofs. Stick on some Elton John."