REVIEW: BIG TITS ZOMBIE (DVD)

Film: Big Tits Zombie ***
Release Date: 11th October 2010
Certificate: 15
Running time: 73 mins
Director: Takao Nakano
Starring: Sola Aoi, Io Aikawa, Risa Kasumi, Saori Ando, Kaworu Asakusa.
Genre: Horror/Splatter/Comedy
Format: DVD
Country: Japan

The popular, well-endowed sex goddess, Sola Aoi, an idol in the Japanese Adult Video industry, stars in one of the daftest film titles of the year - Big Tits Zombie. If that isn’t enough, she also pops up, and pops out, in 3D. Available to buy on DVD this month, what’s not to like?

Lena is a young dancer trying to find her way in the world. Returning to Japan from Mexico, she is offered a job at the Paradise Ikagawa theatre, a struggling club in a deserted suburban town where she performs with four other girls, despite its lack of clients.

With little to do other than bitch at each other to pass the time of day, one of the girls happens upon a hidden door in their dressing room, leading them to a basement beneath the condemned Health Spa across the street.

Discovering a mysterious well, a box of money and otherworldly possessions such as the book of the dead, dancer Maria inadvertently summons the fallen back to life. With a thirst for the red stuff, the zombies attack anyone who stands in their way.

Lena and the rest of her posse must band together if they are to overcome the mass hordes of slaughtered souls, but Maria, learning she actually has the power to control them, has other ideas…

Barely attempting to construct anything resembling a plot, Takao Nakano is content to allow his adult video starlets to run proceedings, even if they are just squabbling for the first half hour. Though there is brief nudity here, the action is surprisingly less explicit than the title would suggest.

Therefore, other than an intriguing introduction that will please most hardened splatter fans, there is little in the opening act to sustain too much interest, unless scantily clad girls scrapping and bemoaning their shortcomings gets your adrenalin pumping. Considering that the five girls are supposed to be dancers, it’s little wonder they have no punters – 3D or not, they make Anne Widdecombe look like Anna Pavlova.

Only on the discovery of the hidden door does the film come to life, and boasts some memorable highlights. Obviously fans of Sola Aoi and Risa Kasumi will be glad to see them here, and Sola certainly holds her own in the acting department. In fact, all of the five female leads acquit themselves well and offer a few good chuckles here and there.

Highlights include sushi zombies, zombies playing table tennis and Maria’s realisation that she can control the deadheads after failed attempts using lollipops and her obvious attributes. Then there’s the revisited opening stand-off, an old man who “looks dead all the time”, the apologetic blue ogre, and a scene stealer involving a flame-throwing vagina. The latter sits so out of place with the movie’s otherwise tame shenanigans you’ll be forgiven for picking your jaw up off the floor, and frustrated that nothing that follows comes even close to it.

The martial arts bloodbath is slightly let down by the use of CGI blood, and it has to be said, the title may disappoint those seeking a bit of titillation. It is on offer here, but only fleetingly, and although big is rarely better, the movie would benefit from a title that doesn’t deceive its audience. They should’ve just called it Zombie. However, those gore-hounds that seek such a provocative moment will be rewarded eventually…

As for the 3D, for some bizarre reason the viewer is treated to it only sparingly, with a hilarious countdown in the top left corner encouraging them to reach for those ill-fitting glasses. Whether it works is another thing – two owned pairs did little other than induce a headache – it will be interesting to see whether or not specs that improve the final result are given away free on its release. And if they are, and they do add a much needed element, why are some scenes that appear to be designed for this purpose completely ignored in favour of 2D?

Gripes aside, at times Big Tits Zombie is nicely shot, and boasts a wonderfully catchy score reminiscent of a spaghetti western. The plot also benefits from the character Maria going power-mad. She creates much needed conflict in the final third, other than that generated by the zombies, whom all boast shoddy make-up that wouldn’t even terrify a three-year-old. At least the girls are pleasing on the eye, with Sola Aoi looking the most comfortable in her zombie-whipping-ass-kicking role; shame her weapon of choice, the chainsaw, doesn’t always appear to be fired up, even if it’s making the right noises.

Irredeemably trashy and at times fun, Big Tits Zombie goes straight for the splatter-audience jugular and only just misses the target. Lacking in skin and with an opening act that moves along slower than the walking dead, it’s a relief to eventually discover an often amusing film that finally manages to surprise and entertain, up to a point.